Today was an extremely emotional day for me! There were definitely things that triggered it, but I'm not sure if this is just another "bump in the road," or if I've hit another wall. Regardless, it was tough, and I am weary. I definitely do not wish to go back to the hospital, but "being home" has been very hard on me. I am enjoying being with Reagan and Caleb more, but to that comes added responsibility. Don't get me wrong, I am not taking care of them by myself. My parents are doing TONS! Just the little things that we did not have to worry about in the hospital: doing laundry, feeding kids, cleaning up, etc.... I want to be doing all the normal stuff again, but I also still have a critically ill child. Sometimes just dealing with Caed alone (physically but especially emotionally) is almost too much for me to handle. I feel like I am constantly having to pass Caleb off, and Reagan, well....she keeps getting put on the back burner (from me!). It absolutely breaks my heart. I am feeling pulled in SO many directions! A burden I'm putting on myself. It's been almost 3 months since I've stepped foot in my own house, slept in my own bed, cleaned my own kitchen, made any kind of meal, gone to church, or just simply had the 5 of us together in our HOME! Oh, how I miss my old life. Such simple things that I know I took for granted. Right now in my head this road we're on doesn't have an end in sight. I guess that's what makes this so hard. I just don't know how long I can hold on. Again, I know I'm just overly tired (emotionally above all else). Dear God...pour Your Grace on me!!
Caed did not have too great of a day. He seemed to be in more pain and threw up more. We have an appt. with Dr. Goldthorn in the morning, so hopefully she'll shed some light on these concerns. I'm not sure what all the appt. will entail; whether it's just "check-up" or x-rays, etc... Please pray for Caed emotionally. We have not told him about the appt. yet. No need to get him worked up before time. Her office is there at the hospital. Not sure how he'll react having to go back.
Todd got in just fine (although came very close to missing his flight). It already is so good just having him here to lean on. I'm sure he wasn't quite ready for the emotional basket case that I was in. Hopefully tomorrow will be a new day.......................
4 comments:
Sorry today was so hard for you. I can't imagine what you are going through. Glad to hear Todd made it back in town. I don't know what else to say... just wanted to let you know that we are continuing to read along and to say thanks for the updates each day. I start hitting refresh on the blog at about 9pm every night. We'll keep praying. Can we do anything else?
Stacey (and Randy)
Lord, we ask you come baptize us with more of you and less of me. You are our hearts desire. We are praising you in the night.
Lord, thank you for Todd, who came just in the perfect timing for Lori. I speak your Word over Lori. As the enemy would like to keep us defeated, we will put on the full armor of God that we can withstand those fiery darts.
We put on the mind of Christ, the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness as we take up the shield of faith to fight those fiery darts of the enemy. We take up the sword of the spirit which is your Word. We hide your word in our hearts that we might not sin against you. We bring every thought into the obedience of our Lord Jesus Christ. We take captive any lies, insinutions, acquisations, anything that exhalt itself of against us.
Lord, we want to stand as the new man as you have so freely given us. Teach us your ways Lord.
Now we are ready to fight! We can't do it in the flesh but can stand on your promises and the hope of salvation in walking with you in glory. Prepare us even now for that hour. Thank you Lord. We Praise you Lord, giving you all glory and honor and more praise.
In the name of you Precious Jesus. Amen!
Lori, we try to put on our armor every morning and it seems, that when we are rushed and don't have the time we need, we immediately come under attack. I am praying tomorrow with Todd assisting you might be able to rest and sleep.
Sleep is a great healer. One of the best. We don't get enough as a whole, so I am praying multiplied rest for you Lori.
Thank you for sharing Todd. You have a wonderful husband that loves his family. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY! Guess it is exactly over but I can still say it!
I won't rattle on any more. Just want the heaven to come down to touch your very being with strength and encouragement. One day at a time. They pass faster than you think. Probably really now, I can imagine it must be warp speed where the hospital was a safety for turtle speed.
We speak balance to Lori's system Lord. Thank you for your anointing that breaks the yoke!
I started a little earlier tonight. It is now l:32 am signing off.
The Richardsons
Randy, Nancy,Hillary & Matt
Lord I ask you to please help Lori in this time Lord and just help her and guide her. I am so sorry to hear it was not a good day. I ask the Lord to heal Caed in such a awesome way. I love you guys so so much. addie 3am
Lori,
How I wish I could be as honest before the Lord as you have been. It is very obvious that your heart before Him is open and desiring to follow Him and honor Him in all of this. It's easy for me to say just trust Him - it so hard to do when it is you. But, I know from experience that when you come to the end of what you think is your strength, that's when you see clearly that it is His strength that is carrying you on. He is, and will continue, to bless your desire to honor Him.
How hard it is to see our children suffer. Our love and protective instinct as moms makes us want to fix it - to make everything better. God's timing is sometimes a very hard thing to take - we want it to happen quickly. Your writings show that you know this in your head and are trusting to know it in your heart.
How wonderful for you that you have such a supportive family - and how wonderful for them. It is a blessing for them, as grandparents, to be able to stand along side of you and Todd and be such a vital part of this whole journey. It can be hard, but they wouldn't want it any other way.
God will be faithful to use this whole experience for blessing for all your children. Reagan is learning lessons that God will use later in her life. I can only imagine how your heart hurts to be pulled in so many ways, but trust Him to use this time also for the beauty in her that you will see as she grows older.
I pray today is better and the visit to the doctor yields only good news and encouragement. When you get home, take a nap with Caed or sit outside and give yourself a few minutes to rest.
Thanks again for your sweet openness before the Lord. He is using it in so many ways to help so many people.
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