Mon. 5/19 - update

...we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5:3-4)

God has placed this verse on my heart the last several days. Sure, it's an encouraging verse, and one that I memorized back through the years. However, to REALLY mean it...to understand what Paul was saying and be in total agreement with it, is entirely another thing. We are to REJOICE in our present suffering. What? Are you kidding? You mean God is wanting me to be happy that my child came so close to death, that he is still critically ill, that he is not the same little boy we remember, that our family has been ripped apart and forever changed? NO! God is not telling us to be happy about all those things! I truly believe it breaks His heart to see His children suffer. However, this verse doesn't end with the "suffering." He's telling us that it has a purpose in our lives. We are not called to suffer for suffering sake. It isn't meaningless. There is a much bigger picture that we cannot see. God tells us if we can view our suffering as Him molding us and making us shine even brighter than before (to rejoice in it), we ultimately will have HOPE. And in the mean time, have also gained perseverance and character. I want so badly to see the END! But I can't. There is an order to follow in these verses. We can't jump from suffering to hope. We first have to persevere. To keep on keepin' on! Right now, that is becoming so difficult for us. The day in day out...is getting very old. (I'm sure Caed would agree) But, if we can do that, then God promises to produce character in us. I see the Lord working on me in a big way. Things that I used to worry about or get upset over are beginning to take on a new light. They are petty! He has and continues to use this experience to change me. Finally, He tells us that this new character will produce hope. Hope in a faithful, loving, merciful God! A God who provides. After going through trials and seeing God's faithful hand bring us through, can we not then have HOPE that He will continue to do so over and over in our lives as new ones come up? Absolutely. Dear Lord, help us as we go through these steps. Help us to SEE YOU and know that we are not alone; You have not abandoned us. There is a greater purpose beyond what we can see. Break us! Mold us! Make us new!

Caed's day was pretty typical of the last several days. Not too bad...not great either. He did however sleep well last night. Only woke up once in pain, but quickly went back to sleep. Then woke up in a good mood this morning. It wasn't long though before the pain/nausea/screams began. They typically don't last very long, and usually after he throws up, he is fine. At one point he wanted to go outside (still with pj's on). Todd flew in this morning, so he was wanting to show his daddy the turtle in the pond. When he's still hooked to his TPN, we just put it in a backpack and he has to carry it around. It can be pretty heavy (with the TPN bag and pump). He had some good moments today filled with smiles, silliness, etc... We try to cling to those to help us get through the bad ones. When we put him to bed he was a running a little fever. Hopefully, it's nothing.

playing golf with Daddy and Reagan


Did he make it......?