Saturday, August 16, 2008
To blog or not to blog...that is the question
You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good....................(Gen. 50:20)
I have learned many times in my life that when God is moving and doing amazing things in people's lives, you better watch out! Satan is near and is prowling around waiting for the opportune time to strike. To destroy! To "mess up" what God is doing.
I have yet again come upon another one of those times. Only a few minutes ago, after reading an email I got.....my heart is heavy (or should I say heavier!!!!)
The purpose of this blog simply began to better inform those of Caed's condition the first few days into this tragedy. I soon found out God had another reason. It truly became my therapy, my way of "venting" my frustrations and fears, and a way that God would speak to me. It also became a way for us to share with you our little "JOY moments" among the tremendous pain! Caed's first smile......Him "eating" anything......Him getting to run in the parking lot of the hospital......blowing bubbles.....shooting waterguns......enjoying his many hospital visitors......being able to LEAVE the hospital.......riding in a red racecar.......taking a "real bath"........taking care of Timmy and the fish........going to fun places like Putt-Putt, the movies, or Joyland......playing baseball with his Daddy......finally turning 5!!!!
With this daily blog comes great encouragement for Todd and I, but it also has an ugly side.....extreme vulnerability! Those of you who really know me, know that Lori is very sensitive (a definite weakness). I do not take criticism well.....it literally kills me.....eats away at my already wounded (and in my eyes these last 5 mos....barely beating) heart.
Satan knows how VERY MUCH I am struggling right now. And he used this time to pounce!! That's just like him. He may use people sometime to do it....but I know in my heart it was ultimately HIM!
To blog or not to blog?..........my first reaction tonight was, "I'm finished!!.......I can't do this anymore!" However, after lots of "venting" and tears, God got my attention and reminded me of the verse I posted at the top. HE is using this blog. It may only be touching one person........I have NO idea........but I am not going to let some "uninformed comments" ruin this (or me!).
So to my faithful curiousaboutcaed readers........THANK YOU! Thank you for caring. Thank you for truly listening. Thank you for getting up in the mornings and caring enough to read about how many trips Caed made to the bathroom! I love you for that. Thank you for trusting Todd and I and praying for us during the most difficult 6 mos. we have EVER been through. Thank you for understanding that things are not over. Thank you for persevering and fighting with us. We still have such a long road ahead of us. I was reminded this week by a good friend who runs marathons. She was telling us about how difficult mile 20 is. The point where you can't feel your legs and you just don't think you can finish the race. (thanks Lori C!!!) I wonder if we are there. Oh! how I hope so. That means the end is near!!!!!! We have some tough things coming up.....please just pray!
To answer the question: YES......I will continue to blog (and try to grow some tough skin in the process)
Satan.........what you meant to harm.............God will use for GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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5 comments:
HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY CAED!!
Thank you Lori for being vulunerable. All I can say is.. it is obvious the mighty call God has upon your life as a mother, as a leader, as a helpmate to your husband, who has been transformed into His presence to stand faithful in His walk as well has become a tremendous example to our youth (adults included).
It may seem you are at the wall, ready to break, not being able to take another step, much less a breath! The enemy knows breakthrough is eminent! He will be uglier than ugly to stop the call of your destiny.
What the enemy truly does though is show himself openly for all the world to see, but in turn at the same time, allows you to see in private, what God will soon reveal in openness, the truth and restoration He is bringing into your life as well as your family's lives and those relationships so important to you.
The enemy would want you to think you have been defeated but on the contraire. It just shows us we need Jesus more! More than words can say, more than air we breathe, as time goes by, He will be by your side, more than anything He will reveal Himself to you and in you! For He has given you authority upon the earth! The enemy was defeated at the cross and the veil was rent!
Matt and I will continue to pray at the 2:00 am hour! We have not forgotten, just resting in the Word, waiting to see God's hand of mercy and love revealed in us!
For is it Christ in you, the hope of glory! Col. 1:27
Him alone we long to worship, bowing down in thankfulness, giving Him all the praise, the glory and honor! For He is a good God! Amen!
Hi Lori and Todd
I too thank you for sharing your heart daily. Your words give such glory to God. Sharing your fears, things He has taught you, and praising Him for the blessings... all show others how you are truly living each day relying on our faithful God. Being vulnerable and transparent blesses others but also opens you up for criticism and judgement. I'm not sure what words have hurt you, but know that you are loved and supported. Jeff and I trust that you are following what GOD would have you do in every decision. No matter how long it takes, God will never let you down. He is always faithful. He loves you and your precious son sooooo much!
Amy O.
Satan is alive and well! and I'm sorry you have to feel that at such a time! But isn't that just like him - kick you when you are down; then another punch just to make sure you know he (litle h) is still there! Hang in there - prayers will uplift you.
Lori,
I am sorry you are having to endure pain from those who do not know you, nor care to be informed of the tremendous journey your family has endured. There are those of us who check this blog daily (more than once on occasion) to ensure we are meeting your prayer and thought requests... This blog as you say will be your written testament and memory when all this is behind and you can breathe easily again.
In Our Thoughts...
House of Williams
Lori - I am Amy Herron's sister, Cynthia, that lives in Fort Worth. I want you to know that I am a very faithful "Curious About Caed" reader....Your words of explanation and inspiration are always good for my soul. I for one, am thoroughly blessed each time that I read about Caed's progress and experiences. I love the detail that you share. So many times people are "private" with what is going on. I feel that God has truly gifted you with a sense of openness and inspiration. If you did not share this, it would be hindering the message that God has given specifically to you. None of us "readers" could possibly know your tender heart felt needs, if you did not share from your heart. God has given this message to you. You are his vessel to bring everlasting love, forgiveness, empathy, sympathy, encouragement, knowledge and compassion to all of us out here just doing the "regular" things of daily living. Keep on keepin on, Lori. You have blessed me many times over with your courage and faithfulness. Please know that I pray for you as God brings you to mind throughout the day. You are special and your family is precious. In Him, Cynthia Helton
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