Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:6,7)
Caed has had a good two days. We went to FBC Lubbock again yesterday. As always, the Lord spoke to me. Caed looked the entire time for his favorite dr. these days.....Dr. Higgins! Apparently he was working yesterday, but assured Caed he would try to be there next week. Caed's "dr. filled" Monday went well again. He was excited for Laura (our HH nurse) to come this morning. He was out riding in his race car up and down the sidewalk waiting for her. May not seem like a lot, but this is a huge change from days past, when he would cry or run away when he saw her car drive up. Of course the actual dressing change is still pretty traumatic for him (he threw up again today during it). But...overall is getting better.
Next, we went to play therapy. When we pulled up, he cried and told me he did not want to go. He literally was clinging to me the whole time. It is not because anything "traumatic" happens there (usually quite the opposite), but it goes back to the fact that this is a "new" dr. A new, unfamiliar experience with a new person that he hasn't developed a lot of trust yet with. I layed him down on the couch in the little waiting room and he fell asleep. This gave the counselor and I a chance to talk. I guess the Lord knew I needed it today more than Caed did. He did wake up towards the end, and they were able to have a few minutes of productive "play time."
Then, it was off for our weekly visit to Dr. Higgins' office. Caed gained 8 oz. this week. Praise God even for a few ounces!! At least he isn't losing. We are continuing to struggle with the whole absorption issue. He prescribed a new med for Caed that hopefully will help. He said everyone obviously is different, but 2 mos. ago he would not have thought we would still be struggling with this. So.....another prayer request!
Things have been going better with Caed; however, I think I personally have hit another wall. Maybe that's why it's been so hard. On the outside looking in...things "appear" to be great! I've been living in "Survival Mode" (also translates as "Numbness") the last 5 months, although probably longer since just delivering Caleb. Anyway, now LOTS of emotions are coming out and it has been VERY difficult for me dealing with them! I am scared, overwhelmed, frustrated, and just overall heavily burdened. I feel like I am drowning with the weight of 10 men on top of me. No matter how hard I kick and try to push myself back up for air, I just get pushed under again. Please pray for me in this area. I know the same faithful God that has been with us each step thus far is not going anywhere now. Just going through another tough phase in this whole ordeal................
6 comments:
Praying...
praying for you tonight sweet lori! rest in the father
God, thank you for sweet Lori and her heart for her kids. I am just heard the Chris Tomlin version of "Amazing Grace" and how Lori's heart and body feel as though there are 10 men on top. Give her what this song is talking about..."My chains are gone, I've been set free. My God, my savior has ransomed me and like a flood His mercy reigns...unending love, amazing grace." God, wrap Lori's heart in your arms and hold her tight as she feels so numb. Give her "Your peace that passes all understanding." Pick her up in Your arms and give her heart rest and refuge from the storm! Let her FEEL you carrying her through the rain, not just know but feel it too! We trust that You are good we have seen evidence of your Sovereignty with Caed! You know what Lori's heart needs to peservere and I ask that she would feel you there touching her heart in ways that she cannot express in words!
Lord, just be with Lori right now. Give her your strength, peace and grace. Continue to love her and guide her as this situation contines on. Also, Lord reassure her heart that there are TONS of people praying for her and her precious family! Lord, may she look back on this time and see only one set of footprints and know Lord they are yours and you were indeed carrying her.
Love you Lori
Tina
Take heart...half the battle (really more than half!) is knowing where to turn for strength. Thank you for sharing and letting others cover you with prayer for the battle. Rest, Lori...just rest as often as you can for a few days.
Lori,
Just to share a little of my own experience to encourage you... About 4-5 months after we knew Richard was going to be ok, many similar emotions hit me and I found it to be very difficult because I kept going to the "what if's?" continually. Also, it seemed like I was finally processing the entire ordeal and everything was filtered through it in my thoughts. I would dissolve in tears during every sermon at Church, etc... The Lord showed me that when I thought the "what if"s " then I was in effect not giving Him the glory for Richard's healing. I almost felt like I was a hypocrite for giving Him praise because I kept asking myself, "what if things had turned out differently, would I still praise Him? He finally showed me that that was what Satan wanted me to do instead of moving on and giving Him the praise. Once I could take that step and let go of the continual replaying of the events in my thoughts, things seemd to get better. I think that what you are going through is to be expected. I will keep you in my prayers. Don't be too hard on yourself. Love, Jennifer in SC
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