A new normal

is what we are desperately attempting to achieve these days. We have officially been in West Texas for 6 weeks, but to be honest I still feel like we're just here "visiting."

This move has been like no other. We packed up our house in Celina and stored it all in our garage. The big furniture and decor was left alone so we could stage our house until we we found somewhere to live here in Idalou. Until then...we would live with my (very gracious) parents. So, on moving day (Oct. 31), we loaded up a 6 ft. trailer with only the essentials. Everything else was left there in Celina. Hence the feeling again that we were just visiting. Anyone walking into our home in Celina would NEVER know we had just moved unless they began opening cabinet or closet doors. For a little over a month we stayed with my parents, living out of boxes and suitcases. 90% of my clothes were still packed in garment boxes in the garage. On more than one occasion, I had to (lovingly...not!) get the cat out of my sweater box. (have I ever mentioned I'm VERY allergic to cat hair???) On another occasion, you would find me sitting on the floor of the garage in front of a giant box in tears! All I wanted was to find some shoes to wear to church. Anything would do...as long as there were no laces and a rubber sole. That month was hard. Hard on everyone involved. It was like visiting for Christmas.....extended 3 more weeks. My parents were awesome!! But, I was stressed. I desperately needed structure...order....and routine. And of course longed for my family to be in our own home again. My parents have a beautiful, very spacious house, but most of our things were crammed into one bedroom (all 5 of us). Our space was FAR from neat and orderly. It was down right chaotic......which only made me more irritable each time I stepped foot inside the door. However, there were also very sweet times (that I wouldn't trade for) those 4 weeks. My sister in law, Megan....and niece Xan were there staying with my parents too during that time. Can you say....the modern day Walton's? ;) They live in China now, so it was extra special getting to spend so much time together.

Finally.....our house here in Idalou was move-in ready! So, the first week of December we headed for Celina with 2 giant moving trucks to get the remainder (bulk) of our belongings. Walking into our house there was surreal. Everything looked normal. Like we had just come home from a long vacation. (funny....had that same experience a couple of years ago....wink, wink) It was all there. In perfect order. Not a stitch out of place. (Ironically what happens when you put your house on the market) Oh, how I MISSED my home!! The memories came flooding in. Every inch....every where I laid my eyes, there was a story. Sweet times. The endless hours Reagan and I spent in that dining room homeschooling. The living room recliner that Caleb and I slept in those first 2 weeks of his life. (little did I know that precious time would be cut far too short) I could hear the crackling of the fireplace and see Caed and Reagan having a picnic of hot chocolate and s'mores in front it. The number of "shows" and dance competitions that took place in the playroom would put America's Got Talent to shame. This was the house in which my daughter would go from everything Princess and pink and Strawberry Shortcake and Hello Kitty.....to a Hannah Montana loving Pre-Tweener. And the drums. This was the house Caed got his very first drum set (age 4)....and 2 more sets bigger and better each time, followed. Our poor neighbors. They were "blessed" I'm sure on more than one occasion (daily!) to hear the deep thumping coming from the east side of the house. The number of youth fellowships and Bible Studies that took place in that living room were too numerous to count. I could still hear the laughter of SO many teenagers through the years that blessed our home by their presence. Their zeal for life made me feel "young" again. (no comment Brad) Then, the tears.....the deep heartfelt concerns and prayers that were uttered by those same zealous students. If only the walls of my living room could talk. Then, there were the painful memories. I can still remember standing in the living room upon hearing the news Todd's dad only had a few short hours to live. This was the house I had to leave for a year while Caed was sick. While vacuuming his room for the last time, I was so overcome with emotions. The memories particularly that stem from that room......are endless. I began to wonder what family would someday (hopefully soon!) come to make their own memories in that house on Doloris Court. What highs and lows would they experience? And would they ever grasp what a life-changing house that was for US?

And now.....here we are again. The 5th home Todd and I have lived in during our married life. There are bittersweet memories associated with each and every one of them. What will God bring to us here on Elm Street? I'm sure it will be both amazing and painful. Junior High dances....teenage girl drama and boy crushes.....make-up.....sharing shoes with Mom - for Reagan? More team sports......"too cool" for his Super Hero toys and holding Mommy's hand in public.....realizing not all shirts and pants go together.....starting a garage band (literally) with his little brother......G-tube GONE!! - for Caed? Breaking his Mommy's heart the 1st day of Kindergarten.....learning to read.....being big and strong enough to finally "fight back" big brother......see a church and not cry "no nursery!!".......play in a real T-ball game......develop into as good a drummer as brother - for Caleb? Oh, the possibilities! They are like the stars.

One day, we will be loading up a moving truck yet again and this house that is now our new home will become empty. I will be sweeping and vacuuming for the last time and sure enough pondering the events that took place under this roof. And we will, yet again set out in search of another new normal.......

God, you know change has always been so hard for me. Setting the cruise control in my comfort zone is what I desire. But, thank you for continuing to stretch me. For blessing me with new and exciting adventures. I pray for this house. For the things that take place within these walls to be pleasing to You! Honestly, I am very apprehensive. I'm downright scared. What dreadful event(s) will take place while we are here? Calm my heart. Remind me of Your unfailing love for me and my family. Your Faithfulness!!! Father, I pray for a spiritual hedge of protection to surround this house. Guard Todd and I's marriage. Defend my children from the spiritual attacks they will face. Strengthen our family as we begin this new chapter in our lives. Let us love one another....encourage one another.....and ENJOY one another. I pray for LOTS of laughter to fill this house and the tears to be minimal. Thank you again for Your clarity in this move. Your hand has been SO evident. We know You have amazing things in store for us.....and we can't wait!

The circle

28 years ago, a timid, little blonde haired 10 year old girl made her way down a seemingly endless hallway in a new school of a rural Texas town. This was one of her first experiences with a major life change....and she didn't like it one bit. You see, the school she loved was in a "big city" 120 miles just north of this little town. She had lots of wonderful friends there. Ones she had grown up with the first 10 years of her life. Each day they would hop on their bikes (or Big Wheels) in search of new, exciting adventures that awaited them around the neighborhood. They went door to door selling rocks, swam so much in her backyard (her) hair turned green, and built snow forts as high as the roof. She loved her life on Dixon Street. Who wouldn't? Life Savers grew on trees there!! But, on a day that she will never forget her uncle came for "a visit." She remembers him sitting on the couch talking for hours to her mother and daddy. About what? She hadn't the first clue. It was all gibberish to her. But it was something. Something very important. In the weeks to follow, that "something" caused great bitterness in her heart towards her uncle. Her life was fine and good and right before he came! This had to be his fault. She was having to leave her home, her friends, and the life she loved all because of him! (although forgave him very quickly....and is thankful today that "his important talk" with her parents was actually all part of God's wonderful plan for her life!!)

She knew a little bit about this small town she was moving to. She had spent every Christmas and at least one week every summer there since she could remember. Several grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins lived there. It was very small. Main Street was literally the "main" street. And apparently all "important matters" of the town were discussed over coffee at the DQ every afternoon at 3 o'clock by the old timers (including her own Granddaddy). There were no stop lights, skating rinks, or movie theaters there. Only one clothing store (which her Grandmother worked at, and she loved to go play in), an old fashioned drug store, a post office, a little grocery store (not the big, fancy kinds she was used to), and of course....the only restaurant......Dairy Queen! No Pizza Inn? No Burger King or McDonalds? No Wonderland? The zoo? What about Fun Fest and Kids Inc? And spending every day in her backyard pool with her friends? There was nothing here in this little town. No matter which direction she looked, flat farmland was as far as her eyes could see. She loved coming to visit all her family there. But, to actually MOVE there, and leave the "big city"? No way!

On that cold, awful day she had to finally go to school, she was so scared. What would it be like? What if everyone stared at her? What if they did things differently here? What if no one talks to her? What if this...? What if that...? Well, she got one thing right. They did stare at her. They did whisper and point. But.....they also talked to her. And included her. And made her laugh....and before long, helped ease the pain of leaving her former school and all the friends she loved. She made NEW friends! And who would have ever thought.....stayed friends with most every single one of them....for 28 long years (and counting!!). They survived the awkward jr. high days together. Started high school together. One by one, got their driver's licenses together. Dated each other. Broke up with each other. And experienced all the ups and downs of high school together. Then, some even became college roommates. Were in each other's weddings. And were there in the waiting rooms together when they first became parents.

When the first day of 4th grade at her new school was over, she walked outside the building and saw her Granddaddy waiting for her. There was an instant calming. Her day had been filled with "news" and "firsts" and "strange faces." When their eyes met, she wanted to run. Run hard and fast. He represented security to her and she desperately needed to feel its warmth on that cold January afternoon. Like a good Granddaddy would do, he drove her straight to DQ Country. (it was 3:00 by the way) He ordered his regular black coffee, and she got an ice cream cone, sure to cure all that ails a sad 10 year old. (and it did!) The weeks turned into months and soon......the little scared blonde headed girl became more outgoing and smiled more and laughed! Oh, did she laugh. She quickly made a NEW best friend (that is still one of her BFF's to this very day!)

God knew. He knew the plans. He knew the timing. He knew all the characters that would have roles in this little's girls' "major life change." He dotted every i...and crossed every t. He had wonderful things that would await her future. You see, not only did she make the best friends ever in this new town, but she made fun memories along the way. She was saved at a GA Camp the summer following her winter move. She was in a small 2A school which allowed her naturally quiet, reserved personality to soar. (she would have been eaten alive in the 5A school she was "supposed to go to.") She quickly became a leader and excelled in school. She was involved in every activity, organization, and sport offered (highly unlikely had she stayed where she was at). She then went on to a wonderful Texas university 10 miles from her little hometown where 4 years later, she met her future husband. After graduation, she went back to that elementary school.....that endless "hallway." She taught along side her former elementary teacher and taught IN her old 5th grade classroom. The memories would flood her mind and cause her to break out in spontaneous laughter remembering the things that happened in that little room....so long ago. (as her students stared back at her in confusion)

Today, almost 28 years later when that little girl first walked that long hallway of her new school, her daughter, same age, same grade hesitantly had to walk that same exact hallway herself. They walked hand in hand as if in slow motion. The Mommy knew what her daughter was feeling. She relived the pain, the fear, the anger. For she herself had to walk the same path 28 years earlier. When they reached the room, the Mommy looked inside and quickly glanced at each face staring back at them. She laughed to herself thinking about the same strange faces she saw long ago, and how each one over time became some of her very best friends. "Forever friends" she calls them.

As the Mommy (and her husband) left the room this morning, her heart became heavy. If she could take the fear and anxiety away from her little girl on this very hard day, she would. But she knew. She knew what the future would likely hold for her daughter there in that school....in that small town. Just give it time. Give it a few days. A few weeks. And by the end of the year, she will surely be smiling just as her Mommy did for her 4th grade class picture. Big. Genuine. Loving her new life and all that God brought to her (including her most favorite pair of off-white knickers!)

When the dismissal bell rang today, the daughter stood just outside the same big green doors her Mommy did on her first day. Their eyes met over a crowded hallway. There was comfort. There was peace. And of course....some good ole' DQ Country ice cream followed! This time, the (great) Granddaddy wasn't there (but, oh, wouldn't he have LOVED to have been!). Instead, his wife, Great-Grandmother Mitchell was there.....who by the way, started Idalou Schools back in the 1930's in the...........you guessed it! 4th grade.

Ironic how life turns out sometimes. You travel long and hard...only to find the path God lay out for you wasn't straightforward....but rather one giant circle!

Caed (1st grade, age 7)..........and Reagan (4th grade, age 10)....the same as her Mommy when she moved to Idalou, and the 4th generation to attend Idalou Schools!

Our new life has begun....

...and we are ALL settled! NOT!

We are, however, official residents of the big city of Idalou! Honestly, I just feel as though we are here visiting for the holidays. (only minus the tree and stockings) It is a very surreal feeling. One that I have dreamed about and prayed for a very long time, but now, seems it's just that. A dream. Our house in Celina went on the market on Monday....and Todd and I spent an evening this week looking at all the pics on line via our realty company. I hated it. That is MY HOME!!!! Why are there pictures of every room for the whole world to see? In that instant, I so deeply wanted to go back and resume our life the way it was. (regardless of my sentimental feelings....please pray with us for that house to sell quickly!) HOWEVER....there also is a corner of my heart that is genuinely excited about our "new life!" We are still living out of our suitcases (or going back and forth to the garage to dig for whatever we need). It's NOT ideal....but it's where the Lord has us for a short time period. Physically, my body is completely 100% exhausted. Don't think I've had a good night's sleep in over a month....my neck and back ache constantly. Todd and I worked 14+ hr. days the 2 weeks before the move trying to pack and also get the house as ready as possible to put on the market. Not to mention the emotional tiredness of all the good-byes and all the "new" to get used to. (refer to previous post as a reminder of my deep dislike to change!) :) I TRY to keep reminding myself to remain positive....God has great life lessons to be learned here during this interim phase....and to TRUST!

Beginning Monday, the kids will officially be enrolled at Idalou Elementary School. They are both excited and scared. Each of them know a friend personally in their grade/class, so that will help tremendously. Todd also starts his new job on Tuesday. He already visited the store and went to eat lunch with the rest of the management team yesterday. He is also both excited and a little nervous (been 10 years). SO MANY changes ahead for each one of us, but ones we are 100% confident the Lord has brought to us.

side note and prayer request: PLEASE pray with us for the insurance change to go smoothly. There is possibly a 6-12 month waiting period for Caed with his pre-existing condition. NOT GOOD!!! I want to cry. I don't understand at all!!!! He has monthly needs that reach 1000's of dollars (without insurance). However, we know this is not a little detail God forgot about. He knows. And HE has it all under control. Once again, I think this is one of those areas where He is calling us to TRUST (when we can't see the outcome of a seemingly "hopeless" situation).

(fun story coming on Monday....stay tuned!) ;)

The end of an era

My heart hurts tonight. No, actually it down right is broken. Tonight was Todd's last Wed. night. Not just here in Celina, but as a youth minister. It's surreal. He has delivered a message every Wed. night for the last 13 years. That's nearly 700 sermons. (not to mention SS lessons back in the day when he taught that too....and of course Bible Studies on Sun. nights) I can't begin to describe what I felt listening to him for the "last time." The last game....the last song....the last word of encouragement. It was absolute torture for me. In that moment, with tears streaming down my face...I wanted to stop it all. The good-byes, the packing, the new life that awaits us. I didn't want this night to end. As the last amen was voiced.....I reluctantly looked up and saw "my girls!" There were no words that could be said...only buckets of tears shed.

Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike change? I avoid it at all costs, and when it comes knocking on my door, I generally pull the shade and pretend I'm not home. It doesn't go away. The banging just continues on and on and on, until I finally am forced to let it in and STAY! Experience, however has taught me that change is not always in the form of an evil stranger. Once I stop fighting it, I soon realize the so called "poison apple" is actually bountiful blessings in disguise.

To live this life without change is impossible. It's just the way God designed it. Sometimes it is welcomed and exciting and full of new possibilities. Other times it is dreaded and fought and difficult to surrender to. Either way, I believe God uses it to grow us. To hinder our nature that so desires complacency. When welcomed with a trusting heart, God blesses.

I know in reality tonight isn't "the end." It's still there. It's how He created Todd and I. Although our job titles will change very soon and being paid to "minister" will stop....I know beyond a shadow of a doubt we will not! Our ministry is simply experiencing a face lift. It's scary. It's exciting. It's like jumping out of an airplane. (knowing our parachute will open, of course). Our hearts are racing....adrenaline pumping....but we know after the initial step, we will be soaring and laughing and begging to do it all over again!

To our FBC students:
Just as tonight showed....words are inadequate to let you know what these past 4 years have meant to us. You guys are special, and you know that. It's what makes Celina...Celina. We wouldn't trade our time here with you all for anything!! Continue doing what you're doing. God has SUCH amazing things in store for you as a group and also individually. Press hard into HIM! We love you!!!!

BIG changes in the Hollingsworth Home

It is official. We will be stepping out of full-time ministry and heading back home within a few short weeks. This is something that Todd and I have prayed about for almost 2 years. We never jump into anything haphazardly....in fact, you've never met two more analytical people than us. However, ministry doors continued to close, but going back to Lubbock opened very quickly (and clearly). We are equally sad, excited, nervous, and relieved. Lubbock/Idalou is home to Todd and I. We were both raised on the good 'ole South Plains and our families still reside there. So many friends that we have had growing up also are there. However....we are leaving behind a wonderful, supportive church/community called Celina. We don't have the words to express how DEEPLY we love and appreciate everything you have done for us the past 4 years. You welcomed us, helped us with any need that arose, and quickly became family. During the past 2 years in dealing with Caed and his sickness....you overwhelmed us!!!!!! God knew exactly where we needed to be and what special church would step up and minister to us during the hardest time in our lives. We will NEVER forget that! To our students - you make this job worthwhile. Your passion and love for life are contagious. We have loved every minute of leading you and walking beside you through your fun-filled, exciting, stressful high school and jr. high days. We look forward to watching you grow up, move on to college and someday start your own families! (yes, it will happen much sooner than you think!) The best part of youth ministry is seeing your students all grown up and living out their faith ON THEIR OWN! We look forward with great anticipation at how the Lord is going to use each one of you in the future. We will miss you guys SO MUCH!!!!

Todd will go back to work for United (Market Street) in Nov. He has about 12 yrs. previous experience with this company and is excited to step back into management. The kids will go to school out at Idalou, and I hope to go back to teaching at the Elem level. The life that Todd and I had prior to getting into vocational ministry seems to have made a full circle. Funny how things work out that way. We are very excited.

The kids are handling the news as expected. Todd and I took Reagan and Caed out to eat Friday night, and let the cat out of the bag over a delicious (un-touched) meal at On the Border. Reagan took it really hard. She cried for about 30 minutes....but we finally got her settled down enough to talk through it all. To show her the positive things that await this life-changing move. She began to laugh and could hardly wait to call her cousin/BFF Idalou friend, Bergan. Caed just sat in silence the whole time....staring at his emotionally unstable sister. ;) Finally, he looked up at me with tears in his eyes and asked, "But can I take my drums?" But of course!!! I plan on taking the kids to Idalou this weekend. Celina is out of school on Mon. the 8th, so I will take them up that day to meet their new principal and see the building, etc.... I think that will help with the transition immensely.

Our last Sunday will be Oct. 17, and then we will officially roll out sometime the first of Nov. I am still living in somewhat of a fog, trying to remind myself that this is really happening. Even though there are many uncertainties still in the picture (selling our home, etc...), I know that God is in control. We believe wholeheartedly that He is leading us in this, so trusting Him in the details should be..... easy. (I'm working on this one.)

Lots to do. Head is spinning. Heart is aching....and rejoicing. And trying to be still long enough to sit back and see how (in His perfect timing) HE has led Todd and I to this very point. Pretty amazing ride thus far! Looking forward to how He will use us in the future......

The Biggest Loser

Caed has consistently been gaining 1/2 lb. every week for the past month. Weight gain is always a plus in short gut world.....but 2 lbs. in 1 month?.....I was afraid if we kept this up, Caed might wind up on his favorite tv show.

We have been in contact with NE, and they aren't too sure this is a "good thing." Well, good in that he is gaining (intestines absorbing). But, concerned in that it's too much - too soon. They sent us a new formula (recipe) in which the k/cals are reduced. We will try that a few weeks and see if there is a change.

Caed's labs this month were good, except he was a little on the dry side. Caed drinks his ORS SO WELL (almost 2 liters/day)!! So, it couldn't be that. However, his stools are straight liquid again, so we are assuming it's coming from that. They also are more concerned with this, so they might switch his formula entirely to EleCare (which many of our gut friends are on). Junior NeoCate can be hard on the gut (or hard to absorb) with some kids. So, it looks like we'll be experimenting several things this month.


This morning, Todd drove to Houston to meet our NZ friend, Hamish, to take him to the Dallas/Texan football game. Many of you have followed Aria's story....and know what an amazing little girl she is! She didn't have 1, but 2 multi-organ transplants, and by God's grace is doing SO well. We are thrilled that Hamish is getting to take this once in a lifetime trip down to Houston. This is his dream....to see them on their home field. We want to thank our parents, Carol and Cordell, Tina and Bridgette, and Kendall for helping us do this for Hamish. I'm certain it will be one of the highlights for him of their time here in the US.

(Go Cowboys!!!) ;)

And the rehab continues...

We have officially weaned Caed off the formula he has been on these past 2 years. The infant version is broken down and much easier for sbs patients to absorb. However, at our last NE visit, the only concern the docs had was the lack of weight gain. So, after a couple of months weaning....we are now 100% on the Jr. version. The kcal increase has been evident. Caed has gained a whole pound in the last 2 weeks. The only problem we are seeing is his output. His stools are straight liquid again (3x/daily). NE said this is common and sometime when there is a change in formula, it can take awhile for the body to adjust. (or he has some bacterial overgrowth again.) I'm really leaning on the formula being the issue. His labs continue to look good, so we are grateful for that.

It was just a reminder to me that we continue to travel this LONG road of intestinal rehab. Todd and I have had our sights set on Jan (our next NE visit) for the possibility of his tube being removed. Right now, I'm not so sure. (which is ok) Caed continues to do SO WELL!!! It'll happen when it's supposed to. It's hard to see Caed outwardly and not expect that same "normalcy" on the inside. When the doctors first told us 2 1/2 years ago that this was just going to take lots of TIME.....I never in my wildest dreams thought it would be this long! (...and it's still not over). Caed has a chronic condition. It will never go away. But....that g-tube will. Someday. And for me, that will be the indication rehab is finally over.

Please specifically pray that Caed's body will begin absorbing and adjusting to this change.

Here it goes....

I honestly can't believe I'm writing this post. The Lord began laying it on my heart about 9 months ago, and I have continually pushed the thought away or told him "You're crazy!" But, just like God works, when He wants you to do something....He won't let it go. I have had many dreams about it, think about it many times throughout the course of my day, and have finally run out of excuses. So, here it goes......

I have officially begun writing a BOOK! Oh my....did I really just admit that? The thought alone scares me to my core. And at the same time, I have such peace and excitement that is just waiting to be released. For me....making this official "announcement" is my way of finally letting go. I have held on and pushed this "absurd thought" far away into the deep dark corners of my heart for long enough.

Now, for the big confession. I have absolutely NO idea the first thing involved in trying to write a book! I have told you before how much I loathe the whole writing-process-thing we learned in school. I'm fairly certain I consistently break all the rules when it comes to writing. I have no idea how am I going to do this....when I will possibly find the time to do it.....nor what the end result will look like. However, once again, I have a peace that is unexplainable.

Just asking for prayer as I embark on this new adventure, and for you to hold me accountable.

(The Lord gave me the title to the book this past spring when a good friend of mine was battling breast cancer. I will save that....but have posted this picture I took as a little hint.)

Love you ALL! I thank many of you and your perpetual "nagging" over the course of the last 2 years. I believe the Lord has used it to speak to me and get me to take this giant leap of faith.

Our stone

Today is Caed's 7th birthday. As usual it's been a day filled with much joy and celebration, but also great reflection.

I received a comment on my Facebook page today that completely sums up what has been on my heart. (thank you Greg!)

Life is hard. Period. We will all have moments in our lives of peace and joy and prosperity. When all seems right in the world. Then, out of nowhere, those wilderness experiences blindside us and our "perfect" world takes a U-turn. When it rains, it pours, right? It's those times when we question God. Where are You? Why have You allowed this? If You were really a loving God, then______! But, God being God, He doesn't leave us in that place forever. He IS loving and faithful, and He leads us into the valleys for a specific appointed purpose. Just for US! Yes, it's painful. Yes, we will initially fight it with every fiber of our being. But, if we can only trust and hold fast to HIM.....He will in His prefect timing, lead us back to the mountain top stronger than before. I believe our lives are like a roller coaster. Up and down....up and down...over and over and over. Sometimes we may have many years of favor and blessing before the darkness hits again, or sometimes we may feel we are having to live in the valley for FAR TOO LONG and plead with Him for mercy and deliverance.

Right now....I feel that my family (specifically the health of Caed) is high upon the mountain. We suffered for what seemed like an eternity, and now we are seeing the light. The glorious light of a normal family of 5.....enjoying life! I obviously cannot foresee the future, and have NO idea what lies ahead for each one of us. But, I DO know that we are not "out of the woods." Hard times will definitely strike again in some unknown way. Instead of living in fear, we must cling to His past faithfulness!

I am reminded of the story in Joshua where the nation of Israel crossed the Jordan. The Lord told the people to gather 12 stones from the riverbed and set them at the place where they would stay. The reason? So that when future generations saw those stones and asked what they meant, they could retell the story of His amazing faithfulness so many years before and stand as a memorial to the people of Israel forever!

We have a stone. It's roughly 4 ft. tall and weighs approx. 45 lbs. It has a contagious laugh and is FULL of life. Although hooked to a machine, it is sleeping soundly right now under our very own roof. It is likely dreaming of football, baseball, being the star drummer in a band, or fighting off evil with his super hero friends. It is a reminder to us of a God who still performs miracles. Of a God who never let us go as we faced the most frightening days and months we had ever experienced. This God lavished us in an ocean of MERCY. He held every tear we ever cried. And answered our pleas for healing. He didn't have to. He would be perfectly just and holy and loving and faithful and merciful had we buried Caed in 2008. Yet we undeservingly were spared.

To this day I still carry a photograph (of my stone) in my Bible as a reminder of this very thing.



When times get hard, when things happen that we don't understand, or when we plea with Him for deliverance.......all we have to do is look no further than our stone. It is a reminder to Todd and I of a God who IS faithful! Who IS in control! Who loves us enough to not only hear our prayers but answer them! And who will carry us ever so tightly all the days of our life....whether high upon the mountain, in the deepest cavern, or simply wandering the desert.

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age. (Matt. 28:20)

Caed,
We love you more than words could ever describe! You are our joy! And we count it an awesome privilege to be your parents. May the Lord continue His favor on your life and may you grow to know Him as your Savior and Lord. We pray God will use you, your infectious personality, and the gifts He's given you to honor HIM!!! You have a story to tell................so do it with boldness and the way only "The Caed-Man" can!!!

Two and a half years.....

Sure wish my readers consisted of short gut parents only today. I have SUCH amazing news, and would love to give you all the exciting 'intestinal details.' However....I realize that most of you reading this don't have poop journals for your 7 yr. old kids, nor do you take pictures and text them to your husband. haha!! Therefore I will spare you the details. Just know we had an extraordinary praise today. One that hasn't been seen for 2 1/2 YEARS! And one we thought we would never see....this side of Short Gut Life!

Questions...

Why do You allow these young children to suffer and even die? And why do You choose to mercifully spare others?

These questions along with about 100 more flooded my soul this past week. We took our youth group back to Student Life in Orange Beach, AL. It was incredible!!! I honestly don't have adequate words to describe how AWESOME this camp is! However, one afternoon I was catching up on my email, etc....and came across some very grim news concerning 2 of our UNMC "bowel friends." I have been following both of their blogs for almost 2 years, and met both girls and their beautiful mommies while in Omaha. Currently they are in a desperate need for miracles. Things are looking so bad. It absolutely breaks my heart to read about them and what their families are going through.

That particular night at worship I felt so heavy. The presence of God had fallen hard on that building, and I cried out to Him. Caed (and Reagan) had both fallen asleep in the chairs completely oblivious to everything going on in the room. I fell to my knees....held Caed in my arms and sobbed my eyes out. WHY GOD???? Why did you choose to have mercy on me? Why did You allow Caed to live...and thrive? I am SO undeserving and I'm sorry for being unfaithful to You. There are SO many who do not make it. SO many mommies and daddies who have to bury their babies. WHY???

I still do not fully know the answers to these burning questions. I think they will always haunt me somehow. And yet for the first time since Caed's illness (and recovery), I became SO overwhelmed at His mercy. To REALLY get it! In the last 2 years, I have been surrounded by other moms who have walked a similar road with their child and those ornery intestines. And yet....one after the other, are going through MUCH more pain and hurt than I could ever dream. Caed is a miracle. A 100% living, breathing, running, drum-playing MIRACLE!!!! I believe that with all my heart. And yet this same heart hurts so badly for my dear friends. Why God? Why are You allowing all this to happen?

It will cut you to the core. Once you get it. It's the reality of the brevity of life. To go through a trauma so big....so real....so awful and ugly. It shows us we are not invincible. Not bulletproof. We are not guaranteed tomorrow...even though we somehow think God owes it to us. I hate it! It hurts and literally make me sick to my stomach to think about. But.....I know it also is a gift. To not take life and each day He gives us for granted. To learn to LIVE! To LAUGH! To LOVE! To glorify Him and ENJOY Him forever.........and be overwhelmed by our Father God!

I know HE is GOOD.....and HIS plans are PERFECT.

7500 miles

...is a rough estimation between Texas and New Zealand. Why on earth is that information relevant? Because it is proof yet again of the wonderful Providence of God.


Meet the MacDonald family. Hamish and Anita....and their daughter Aria (4) and son Asher (2). I have mentioned them before in my blog and have asked for prayer for Aria on numerous occasions. So many of you now follow her story and faithfully lift this family up in prayer.

Now to continue with the story that first took place over a year ago....

I sat down one day to catch up on some email and opened one up from a "stranger." This is actually not all that unusual these days. Ever since Caed's illness, I have "met" so many wonderful families all across the US. We share a bond that is chronically ill children. However, this email was different some how. It was from a woman on the other side of the globe with a very ill little girl who came across Caed's blog from googling "bowel" and "University of Nebraska Medical Center." (wow!) The emails which were exchanged those first few days were full of lots of tears (between the both of us). There was an instant connection....and one that only the God of this universe could put in motion. For almost a year, we corresponded via computer (email and Facebook). And finally....we were able to meet face to face this past week in Omaha. There was a very odd feeling when I first saw her. Like we were old friends who just hadn't seen each other in a long time. haha We were able to spend several days together and ask one another all kinds of questions and of course laugh at the extremities of our accents. You can guess who had the most beautiful one! (hint....not the hick from Texas) However, Todd and I are proud that of all the restaurants we could have taken her....we chose DQ! ha (can you get any more redneck?)




The kids also had lots of fun together. Asher and Caleb hit it off (only 2 months apart), and Caed was his usual "entertaining" self, which Asher LOVED! We told them we can rent Caed out if they ever needed it. ;)

Although, one thing was always missing during our times together.....Asher's beautiful big sister, Aria.


Getting to finally see her sweet face in person was such a joy! We have prayed SO HARD for Aria particularly this year, and to see her and SEE God's hand was truly amazing. In a nut shell....the MacDonald family left their home in NZ, and came to UNMC to save their daughter's life. A multi-organ transplant was their only hope. However, Aria has not only had 1, but now 2 M/O transplants! She is a true miracle. She is so strong and brave and an inspiration to thousands of people all over the world who have the privilege of praying for her. Aria still has a long way to go, but is making progress daily. THANK YOU GOD!!!!

One thing is for sure. This was not a chance meeting between the Hollingsworth and MacDonald families. It wasn't by accident or coincidence. It was only by the hand of God who holds the whole world in His hands. I absolutely HATE the reasons why we are connected. If I could change those, I would. And yet....I'm thankful that yet again God shows me how He is always bringing beauty from the ashes, in different forms and different ways.

We love you Anita and Hamish. You guys are in our thoughts and PRAYERS daily!!!!! You are both truly amazing people, and we are privileged to now call you friends.

Results

Today started early, and as usual we were the first to arrive down in radiology. The team seemed very optimistic as the barium moved its way through fairly quickly. However....I warned them (or should I say 'reminded' them of every other sbs Caed has ever had. He likes to take his time....get to know all the rad. staff and see them through to the end of the day. ;)) I did however pray that this time would be different. After hour #3....and the frustrated looks on their faces, I knew it wouldn't. Caed was a trooper though. Total sbs time today = 6.5 hrs

We finally were allowed a little over an hour to put a halt on the xrays, and go to our clinic appointment. Caed was SO excited to see his nurses and doctors. He loves them! In a nut shell....the visit was very positive. They said if they were just looking at his labs (or at least the ones that had come back), they would think they were those of a "normal" child. Which anyone who has been around Caed would probably 100% agree with. The plan of action now is to change his current formula to one that is higher in calories. (Neocate Junior) We will stay at the same rate and dosage. We will also cut one medication, and watch to see if there are any effects. If not...we will then slowly try to wean the Imodium. Their only "concern" is his weight. He hasn't gained like they wanted him to. Hopefully the new (stronger) formula will help. We will come back in 6 months.....assess everything, and then, MAYBE then...we can remove the tube!

We returned back down to radiology after our appointment and had a couple more x rays. Finally, they felt the barium had reached the finish line (his colon)! We asked the docs about the length of time for Caed's sbs, and they said they are not concerned with it. They said the horrid "s-word!" (stricture) But, said if he had one, that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing right now. (slows everything down allowing for more absorption time) He doesn't have one however......thank you Jesus, but said by it taking so long...that is actually a good thing. OK...we'll take it! I guess with Caed's bowel length everyone (including radiologist) always assume it will go quick. Yet another sign of God's hand!

We weren't able to see Dr. M today (he was in a transplant), but saw another dr. we knew. This guy was great....no complaints whatsoever. BUT...he made some simple comments that really struck something in me.

"We just shake our heads when we look at Caed. There is no real medical answer as to how he is doing SO WELL considering the amount of bowel he has left. We would love to ask you guys what you have been doing, so we can tell other IRP patients. He just isn't the 'norm.'"

I sat there quietly listening, but later wished I would have stood up and shouted "I KNOW the answer!!!! I know WHY he is doing so well. It is only by the grace and mercy of our God."

I haven't been able to get his words out of my head. Those of us around Caed take his normalcy for granted. We forget what an incredible MIRACLE he is! And I think I am as guilty as anyone for giving the credit to his great doctors in Lubbock and the IRP here at UNMC. I guess it just humbles me once again when I hear the medical professionals say that #1...they didn't expect him to survive the volvulus, and #2....how they don't understand how he dodged the inevitable multi-organ transplant and is doing SO WELL today (only 2 years later).

Thank you Lord for this trip to NE. Thank you for the positive results from the doctors and tests. But, especially for gently reminding me of YOUR ABSOLUTE HEALING POWER! YOU....oh God....are our Deliverer.

Nebraska Summer

(Caed's new summer do......he goes by the name of "Hawk" now) :)



Well, this is a first for us...spending time in NE during the hot summer. We were blown away by the humidity. Definitely didn't expect that. We decided to combine a little family "vacation" with Caed's dr. appts. this time, since Reagan has been begging us to let her come back. And the last time Caleb was here, he was only 6 mo. old.

The testing will start this week. Caed has been doing WONDERFUL (ever since we got back on all feeds and meds in March)! However, currently he is only on 400ml (120/hr) for 6 nights. We allow him to have "free Fridays" where he can go to bed tube free! I think in the intestinal rehab world, that is virtually nothing. So, we are very curious to hear what Dr. M has to say. We are, however expecting Caed to stay on tube feeds through the summer at least (due to the hot summers in Texas and the high probability of dehydration). But....will possibly be tube FREE by Sept!

So far, we have had a WONDERFUL time here in NE. So good, in fact...it's deserving of its very own post! Many of you have prayed for Aria and her parents Anita & Hamish from New Zealand. Well, yesterday after a very long year, we finally met FACE to FACE!! I will write about it in detail in a few days.....

Thanks for your prayers. So far, so good. Tomorrow Caed will have what he grudgingly likes to call the "all day tummy pictures." It's a small bowel series, and should last 1-2 hours. For Caed, we generally are the first radiology patient of the day and then are the last to leave (6-7 hr. x ray). It's not painful at all (just a little discomfort for Caed as the barium makes its way through), but just VERY LONG and boring for a nearly 7 yr. old boy. Please just pray specifically for this test. It always is very nerve racking for Todd and I. Outwardly Caed is a 100% normal little boy. This test always reminds us otherwise. Just pray for no dilated loops in the bowel or any other areas that look "suspicious."

Will post tomorrow after we speak with the drs.

Pre-Teen camp

Reagan attended her very 1st church camp this past week (Pre-Teen Camp at Mt. Lebanon), and I went along as one of the sponsors. She loved it!!! But....boy are we wiped out!

Thank you Grammy for coming and staying here for a week. We know Caed and Caleb were quite a handful....but we appreciate and love you SO VERY MUCH for helping us out!!

1st year.....down!

Typically you find Mommy's crying the 1st day of Kindergarten. Me, on the other hand, never shed a tear that day. However, today....the last day.....I sobbed like a baby walking out of that school! It had absolutely nothing to do with Caed....just me feeling like I was losing a friend.



Mrs. Smith. Where do I even begin? The Lord brought us together 3 yrs. ago...as we both had something the other one needed. I needed some extra income and she needed someone to watch her 3 month old baby girl. A friendship quickly developed and I knew right away she was special. We had only lived in Celina a few months and I didn't have many friends at the time. She was literally a God-send!! She walked through Caed's ordeal with us....supporting him the entire time. Last year, when Todd and I decided to send the kids to public school, I was scared to death for Caed. He hadn't been out of my sight (medically) for over a year. To say sending him away for 7 hrs. a day was hard, would be quite the understatement. However, when I found out he would be in Anna's class.....my heart was instantly eased. She knew Caed.....PRE-sickness! She knew everything he had been through, and I was certain she really cared for him and would "look out" for him. And she did...

I began watching her 2 kids a few days a week the last month of school. What fun to see how that tiny little baby had grown and to get to know her "new" brother (which is Caleb's age). Probably the main reason for my tears today was because Mrs. Smith is moving. We are SO excited for her family....and yet grieve our loss.

I could not have asked for a better 1st teacher for Caed. Not only was she a dear friend, but an excellent teacher. Caed was as disinterested in anything school-related as you could get, but now he has a love for learning and an excitement that he certainly did not have a yr. ago.

Thank you Anna! I know our friendship is not over.....just taking on a different feel. I look forward to hearing all the exciting things that will take place in your new home, and watch those "babies" grow up!!! Thank you for EVERYTHING!



Reagan also did a great job this year in 3rd!! Her year was little bit different. Since she had been home schooled from Kinder to 2nd....this was a BIG transition for her! Everyone else in her class had sat in desks, carried backpacks, ate lunch in a cafeteria, walked the hallways, or raised their hand in class. They knew "the system." It was like an 8 yr. old experiencing the first day of Kindergarten. She was excited, yet scared to death. It took a few months to work through all of the 'labeling' she endured, but she came through it like a pro! She thrived.....made all A's and lots of friends...LOVED her teachers....and we are so thankful for God's protection and care over her this past school year.




The whole reason for sending my kids to school this past year was 100% for me. Physically and emotionally I had reached my limit after getting off the ride of my life. I'm no psychiatrist, but I'm fairly convinced I was suffering from some Post Traumatic Stress as well. I desperately needed some time to heal....time to rest.....and time to re-bond with the baby I lost. And that's exactly what we got! This past school year was wonderful for Caleb and I, and I am so grateful to the Lord for providing it. And all the while, knowing that my other 2 'babies' were in safe hands.

Thank you Lord yet again for Your steadfast Faithfulness in the Hollingsworth Home!

Home....RUN!

Caed officially scored his first (coach-pitch) home run last night! He was so excited.....we were ecstatic! This was his last game of the season and Grandaddy & Nana were here in Celina visiting. Before his game he told me he really wanted to hit a home run for them. His first time up to bat....sure enough he DID IT! Smashed hard right over the 3rd baseman's head. His whole team played wonderful last night.....a great way to end the season.

Caed was asked to play on a summer select team, but Todd and I decided to hold off on that. We will be gone a lot during the summer and also don't want him getting burned out at 6 yrs. old! I continue to be amazed at how far this little boy has come! Who would have ever thought he would be hitting home runs 2 yrs. later? I must admit, I certainly had my doubts. Praise GOD!!



Caed at the pitcher's mound




Reagan also ended her 1st softball season last night as well. She improved SO much over these past 3 months, and has truly learned to love the sport. Can't wait to see how she grows.....


Reagan and her good friend Kyra


.....and Caleb, well, I must say he will probably miss baseball season the most out of the family! He LOVES going to the ballpark!! Can't wait to see this little 'ball of fire' out there on the field one day. One thing is for sure. He will most definitely have 2 GREAT teachers to show him the ropes.

Pray for Aria

Please keep Aria in your prayers! She is our sweet little New Zealand / Omaha friend. She underwent her 2nd multiple organ transplant yesterday on Mother's Day. So far....she is doing well!! But, has a long road still ahead of her......

GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!!

Kinder Rodeo

Cowboy Caed

Every good cowboy needs a trusty steed.....


Caed and his 'line dancin'............he really got into it, and had the whole class following his lead.


more Boot Scootin' Boogie

Meet our family.....

I was online today making plans for Caed's next NE appointment and came across this. I was so excited! This is Caed's primary doctor (Mercer) and also one of his nurse coordinators (Brandi). Everything they said was right on. The IRP is a family unit and they without a doubt make you feel like you are apart of it too! We love these guys....just wanted to share this so you can finally put a face(s) with the name(s).

Toothless in Texas

Well....that didn't take long!

Caed attended a birthday party yesterday afternoon at a bounce house. Need I say more? When I picked him up, his tooth was "mysteriously" more loose than when I left him. Once we got home, he stayed in the bathroom for awhile, and when he came out.....bingo.....officially toothless.

Things are going strong in the Hollingsworth Household. We are staying very busy (spending most of our days at the ballpark), and trying to finish well with our first year in public school. Todd and I have been busy coordinating summer schedules and making sure we haven't over-booked certain weeks. Summers are wonderful, but can be awfully busy in the life of a student minister (and his family's!).


Caed had a very eventful day today. He finally lost his 1st (front) tooth! To be honest I always dread this day. I just LOVE those little baby teeth. I told him I wasn't ready for him to start losing them.....and I wanted him to stay little FOREVER!! He looked at me like I had lost my mind. His other front tooth is also very loose, so I suspect we will be spending the summer with an adorable toothless grin that will melt this Mama's heart with every smile! Short Gut speaking.....Caed is doing wonderful again. NO pain spells! We are sitting at a comfortable 500 ml/night....and will probably stay that way through the summer.



Reagan is also doing great! Only 6 more weeks of school...in which she is counting the days. The (insert sarcasm here) delightful TAKS test will take place next week, and boy are we ready!! Despised it as a teacher, and even more now as a parent. But....this too shall pass....and we will do what we have to do to get through it. Reagan has had a wonderful year in school this year. Has made the A Honor Roll every 6 weeks. We are SO proud of her! She proved to them that even as a former home school student....she could hang with the best! She is in Dance and Softball...and doing wonderful in both.



Caleb, well......he is still just as cute (and ornery) as ever! He is talking more and more, and for the first time is now in the lineup for nightly prayers. It is TOO CUTE! (hard to keep brother and sister serious when it's Caleb's turn)

I am currently taking some photography classes and hope to get some of my work on a website very soon. This has been a deep passion in my heart for SO long, and now I can hardly contain myself at the thought of something possibly coming from it. It scares me to death because I don't know the first thing about starting my own business, but I'm muddling my way through the dark trusting the Lord for guidance.

Sorry this post kinda has a Christmas card feel to it. Just thought I'd give an overview of our "non-eventful" life right now.......

....in which I'm LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF!!!!

Baseball/Softball