These questions along with about 100 more flooded my soul this past week. We took our youth group back to Student Life in Orange Beach, AL. It was incredible!!! I honestly don't have adequate words to describe how AWESOME this camp is! However, one afternoon I was catching up on my email, etc....and came across some very grim news concerning 2 of our UNMC "bowel friends." I have been following both of their blogs for almost 2 years, and met both girls and their beautiful mommies while in Omaha. Currently they are in a desperate need for miracles. Things are looking so bad. It absolutely breaks my heart to read about them and what their families are going through.
That particular night at worship I felt so heavy. The presence of God had fallen hard on that building, and I cried out to Him. Caed (and Reagan) had both fallen asleep in the chairs completely oblivious to everything going on in the room. I fell to my knees....held Caed in my arms and sobbed my eyes out. WHY GOD???? Why did you choose to have mercy on me? Why did You allow Caed to live...and thrive? I am SO undeserving and I'm sorry for being unfaithful to You. There are SO many who do not make it. SO many mommies and daddies who have to bury their babies. WHY???
I still do not fully know the answers to these burning questions. I think they will always haunt me somehow. And yet for the first time since Caed's illness (and recovery), I became SO overwhelmed at His mercy. To REALLY get it! In the last 2 years, I have been surrounded by other moms who have walked a similar road with their child and those ornery intestines. And yet....one after the other, are going through MUCH more pain and hurt than I could ever dream. Caed is a miracle. A 100% living, breathing, running, drum-playing MIRACLE!!!! I believe that with all my heart. And yet this same heart hurts so badly for my dear friends. Why God? Why are You allowing all this to happen?
It will cut you to the core. Once you get it. It's the reality of the brevity of life. To go through a trauma so big....so real....so awful and ugly. It shows us we are not invincible. Not bulletproof. We are not guaranteed tomorrow...even though we somehow think God owes it to us. I hate it! It hurts and literally make me sick to my stomach to think about. But.....I know it also is a gift. To not take life and each day He gives us for granted. To learn to LIVE! To LAUGH! To LOVE! To glorify Him and ENJOY Him forever.........and be overwhelmed by our Father God!
I know HE is GOOD.....and HIS plans are PERFECT.
2 comments:
I am so amazed at what God has done in Caed and Aria's life.I followed both blogs since they started and it changed my prayer life. I believe God used these 2 in a mighty way.It has been so inspirational to young parents but more so to us old timers who sorta dropped our enthusiam for what God can do.What a witness these young kids have been to many.
hehehehehe looks like fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
love,
carlie owen
Post a Comment