Sleepless in Kansas

It's 7 am, everyone is still asleep. I am not. My mind is racing. Today is such a big day for us. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. This will begin yet another phase in this long journey of 2008. What will it be like? Will I be able to handle all of it? Will Caed continue healing, or will there be a setback? So many questions.....so few answers. However, like I have said so many times before, it isn't our job to always "know the outcome." Our human nature wants it so desperately. We fear the unknown. And, yet God promises us over and over that He has plans for us.....He will never leave or forsake us.....He will never put on us more than we can handle.....He LOVES us!!! (how do people make it through tough times without Him???)

I have butterflies in my stomach (either that, or my blood sugar is screaming for food!) ha! Never the less, I am ready to start this day. I am ready for the 5-6 hr. drive. I am ready to walk into my home and just "take it all in." This will only be the 3rd time I've been home this year. (only 6-7 days total!) I can't begin to describe to you what that feels like. A place that should be so familiar, and yet it's not. I just want to coop myself up inside, and soak it up!!

Another reason for the uneasiness is that Caleb will not be with us when we come home today. On a day that should be so climatic, something is missing. Yes, it will be so good to be home. But, the true celebration is still days away. Caed has a dr. appt. on Mon., and since we would be heading back to Lubbock for Thanksgiving, we decided to just wait. And boy, is it hard!! (Caleb is sick right now, so we knew the best thing for him would be to just stay there and get well.)

If you are a mom, you probably remember the "nesting" phase you went through those final weeks before you brought your baby home. Well, I'm going through those emotions, and yet physically can do nothing. Instead of bringing 1 baby home.....I am bringing 3! Poor little Caleb doesn't even have a bed set up yet. The last time we were all there as a family, he had just been born, so all we had up was a little bassinet. He still has newborn clothes in his dresser drawers! Of course, as a mother, you want everything in its proper place when your children come home.

A year has almost come and gone. My closet is full of maternity clothes. Reagan and Caed's closets are also full of clothes they have most certainly grown out of. There's just so much to do (in my mind). And yet, even through this.....the Lord is teaching me. One of the biggest things I learned from living at the Lied for 3 months is we, as Americans, have way too much stuff (and space!) Sure, I definitely missed the conveniences of home, but LOVED the simplicity. We had the basics....and it was enough. I guess my viewpoint has also changed. Yes, as a sinner I will continue to struggle with the flesh....but yet I believe because of what we have gone through this past year, we've learned what's truly important in life. It's not order and structure......it's not "stuff".....it's not our calendars and the business of life. It is first and foremost our relationship with Jesus Christ! Then, comes our relationships with others. Everything else can take a backseat. So, with our current situation, I know all will be ok. We as a "new family of 5" desperately need the simplicity of just being together. Everything else will eventually take care of itself. I don't want satan coming in and unsettling my heart (& stealing my JOY!) with "things" that just don't matter..........................

Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow..................!!