It was such a warm feeling walking into our home Sat. night. Wonderful memories have been made the year and 1/2 we were ALL here. However, there is a sadness that I cannot begin to explain. This house looks as though a newborn baby lives in it.
To see his bassinet still sitting beside our bed, the newborn clothes and "supplies, " paperwork that we brought home from the hospital, a stack of those teeny tiny Newborn diapers!
Where is that baby? My heart feels as though I had a baby on Feb 8th, spent 3 wonderful weeks with him, and then................he died.
The Caleb that I know today is not that same little baby I knew so long ago. The Caleb I know today IS my baby! I feel that! However, he is not the one I remember having in this house. So much is different. So much has changed.
(Feb. 29th......24 hrs. before Caed was rushed to ER)
One of the big jobs that needs to be done is getting things ready for Caleb to come home. We have still yet to put up his crib. I haven't packed away his newborn clothes yet to make room for the new. Again, it's a hard thing to describe, but there is a deep sadness in touching any of it. I guess it is similar to after a loved one has passed away, and it takes awhile before your heart is ready to go through their belongings. That's how I feel. Like I want to hang on to that little newborn baby that was taken away from me almost 9 months ago. Hang on to those memories. Hang on to the emotions that having a new baby brought.
We will get through this too. The Lord has been faithful in every detail, and I know He will continue.
We need to get ready....................we are finally bringing HOME our new baby!!!!!!!!!!
6 comments:
Wow, although I have no REAL idea what that would feel like, as a mom, I can come close to imagining what a real loss it would be. You've never really had time to grieve over missing that little newborn. God is good and He will still continue to bless you with your sweet children. I just know it! Sharing your sorrow and your joy,
Marilyn
rejoicing that you are home and still praying!
There is so much sorrow I feel for you as I read this blog. I just pray that the abundance of NEW memories with Caleb as you bring him home will help to ease the pain. Yes, you do need to allow yourself to grieve, too. Praying for you lots in these tumultuous times!! We miss you already and I have shed a tear or two also. Do have a most marvelous Thanksgiving!!
Love from us both,
Carol and Cork
Lori, you are exhausted both physically and mentally.You have been through what most will never imagine.Just take it one day at a time and the Lord will continue to help you. You are all still in our prayers and thoughts. We are so thankful you all have come to this point and will be united with Caleb real soon now. God has used your family in such a great way to touch so many including me.
Thank You, Lord, for bringing them all HOME! Can't wait to see a picture of the 5 of you at HOME. Continuing to pray as always. God has brought y'all so far and He'll keep on keepin' on in His own wonderful faithful ways.
Sending my love, hugs, and prayers.
In His great big love,
Carolyn O'Cain
Lori,
I am happy to see you are still blogging. Know that if you have a need, we are here, just blog! I am so thankful you are all home. I hope you are getting some sleep. If the sorting is too overwhelming, let me know - I can help.
Bridget Raymond
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