Seems like only yesterday....

....I was up in front of a classroom, making lesson plans, grading papers, and out on the playground. My first week back was very good! I am teaching 2nd grade and absolutely love it. My kids are so sweet and smart and a joy to see everyday. Several of my students are the children of some of my best friends growing up. It's funny to look at them.....makes me feel like I'm in elementary again myself. (not to mention being in the very same building!)

Caed and Reagan probably think it's the coolest. They LOVE coming to my classroom each morning and then again when the bell rings. I see Caed quite a bit throughout the day....which is so fun! Sometimes I get to sneak a quick hug or kiss (while none of his friends are looking, of course.) Reagan LOVES coming to my room after school so she herself can play school. She made report cards and folders for every student in her class.....grabs one of my teacher books and away she goes. Who knows? She may just follow in her mama's footsteps someday.

I am absolutely exhausted and still have so much I need/want to do up at school. Every day this past week I was up there til 5:30-6:00. I am really ready to get to the point where I finally feel "settled." Maybe by May???? ;)

So many of you I know prayed for me this week. THANK YOU very much!!!! I truly had a great first day back and rest of the week. There was a calming I couldn't explain.....

1-1-11

It's been awhile since I've blogged, and for those of you who follow this one, I apologize. I, too have about 5 blogs (our short gut or bowel transplant friends) that I am completely addicted to reading daily. When they go even a day or two without posting, I get worried and restless. Although I have to remind myself from first hand experience, no news is generally good news.

I assure you I have had plenty of things to write about, just very little time and energy to do so. It's been good for me to take a little "break" from blogging. But oh, how I miss writing! It truly is my escape...

Our time during the Christmas holidays was wonderful. We continued getting more settled into our house and particularly have enjoyed lots of good family time. My sister in law (Megan) and her little girl (Xan) have been here in the states for almost 2 months. We have LOVED it! My brother, Stan, just flew in from China a few days before Christmas. I know he was sure ready to see his girls.

I knew the 2 weeks of Christmas vacation were going to be fun (for the kids), but also a little stressful for me. I begin my new job as a 2nd grade teacher on Monday! I am taking over for a teacher that has moved. A total 100% God-thing!!! Teachers very rarely resign in the middle of the school year. The timing of our move back to Lubbock, Todd's major job change, and then this...was actually very cool to witness. One of those times when you pray about something, and then step by step....you see God slowly laying out all the pieces of the (seemingly impossible) puzzle right before your eyes. But.....even though I know HE is in this, the butterflies in my stomach are still going strong.

The kids are doing great. Caed continues to amaze us. (and scare us at times too.....which will probably be the case forever, I'm afraid) Any little thing with him (physically) always causes Todd and I to go into OVER-analytical mode. But all in all.....he is doing SO well, we have pushed his Dec. clinic visit to March. And possibly, might even try the summer! His weight gain is probably not what it should be, but at least he is maintaining. He continues to be tube fed for about 4.5 hours each night. We thank God for a wonderful, "healthy" 2010!!

I ran across a quote today by John Piper. God promises new troubles (Matt. 6:34), new mercies (Lam. 3:23), and new hope (2 Cor. 4:16) for every day this year.

Upon reading it initially, I didn't like it. Not one bit! What on earth do you mean He promises new TROUBLES? That's not very encouraging to read on this first day of the new year. But, then to read on......there will also be new MERCIES.....and new HOPE too! Not just some time during the year, but EVERY DAY! We live in a sinful, fallen world. Yes, there will be troubles. There will be hard times. There will be tears. There will be those moments we don't think we can carry on. BUT, it doesn't end there. What feelings of complete sorrow and hopelessness if it did.

Thank you God for Your mercies. They are truly new EVERY morning. And thank you that our inner person is being renewed DAY by DAY. Help us to be ready! Ready for those daily "troubles." Help us to be aware when it rears its ugly head so we don't miss the opportunity to turn it around for good. Knowing nothing that You allow into our lives is meant to harm or destroy us. But rather, build us up, make us stronger and ultimately more like Your Son. Lord, we pray for 2011. Both good days and bad will inevitably make up this new year. Thank you in advance for the good. You continue to shower us with blessings which we do not deserve. Help us during the bad. Hold us close, and remind us of Your constant faithfulness.

A new normal

is what we are desperately attempting to achieve these days. We have officially been in West Texas for 6 weeks, but to be honest I still feel like we're just here "visiting."

This move has been like no other. We packed up our house in Celina and stored it all in our garage. The big furniture and decor was left alone so we could stage our house until we we found somewhere to live here in Idalou. Until then...we would live with my (very gracious) parents. So, on moving day (Oct. 31), we loaded up a 6 ft. trailer with only the essentials. Everything else was left there in Celina. Hence the feeling again that we were just visiting. Anyone walking into our home in Celina would NEVER know we had just moved unless they began opening cabinet or closet doors. For a little over a month we stayed with my parents, living out of boxes and suitcases. 90% of my clothes were still packed in garment boxes in the garage. On more than one occasion, I had to (lovingly...not!) get the cat out of my sweater box. (have I ever mentioned I'm VERY allergic to cat hair???) On another occasion, you would find me sitting on the floor of the garage in front of a giant box in tears! All I wanted was to find some shoes to wear to church. Anything would do...as long as there were no laces and a rubber sole. That month was hard. Hard on everyone involved. It was like visiting for Christmas.....extended 3 more weeks. My parents were awesome!! But, I was stressed. I desperately needed structure...order....and routine. And of course longed for my family to be in our own home again. My parents have a beautiful, very spacious house, but most of our things were crammed into one bedroom (all 5 of us). Our space was FAR from neat and orderly. It was down right chaotic......which only made me more irritable each time I stepped foot inside the door. However, there were also very sweet times (that I wouldn't trade for) those 4 weeks. My sister in law, Megan....and niece Xan were there staying with my parents too during that time. Can you say....the modern day Walton's? ;) They live in China now, so it was extra special getting to spend so much time together.

Finally.....our house here in Idalou was move-in ready! So, the first week of December we headed for Celina with 2 giant moving trucks to get the remainder (bulk) of our belongings. Walking into our house there was surreal. Everything looked normal. Like we had just come home from a long vacation. (funny....had that same experience a couple of years ago....wink, wink) It was all there. In perfect order. Not a stitch out of place. (Ironically what happens when you put your house on the market) Oh, how I MISSED my home!! The memories came flooding in. Every inch....every where I laid my eyes, there was a story. Sweet times. The endless hours Reagan and I spent in that dining room homeschooling. The living room recliner that Caleb and I slept in those first 2 weeks of his life. (little did I know that precious time would be cut far too short) I could hear the crackling of the fireplace and see Caed and Reagan having a picnic of hot chocolate and s'mores in front it. The number of "shows" and dance competitions that took place in the playroom would put America's Got Talent to shame. This was the house in which my daughter would go from everything Princess and pink and Strawberry Shortcake and Hello Kitty.....to a Hannah Montana loving Pre-Tweener. And the drums. This was the house Caed got his very first drum set (age 4)....and 2 more sets bigger and better each time, followed. Our poor neighbors. They were "blessed" I'm sure on more than one occasion (daily!) to hear the deep thumping coming from the east side of the house. The number of youth fellowships and Bible Studies that took place in that living room were too numerous to count. I could still hear the laughter of SO many teenagers through the years that blessed our home by their presence. Their zeal for life made me feel "young" again. (no comment Brad) Then, the tears.....the deep heartfelt concerns and prayers that were uttered by those same zealous students. If only the walls of my living room could talk. Then, there were the painful memories. I can still remember standing in the living room upon hearing the news Todd's dad only had a few short hours to live. This was the house I had to leave for a year while Caed was sick. While vacuuming his room for the last time, I was so overcome with emotions. The memories particularly that stem from that room......are endless. I began to wonder what family would someday (hopefully soon!) come to make their own memories in that house on Doloris Court. What highs and lows would they experience? And would they ever grasp what a life-changing house that was for US?

And now.....here we are again. The 5th home Todd and I have lived in during our married life. There are bittersweet memories associated with each and every one of them. What will God bring to us here on Elm Street? I'm sure it will be both amazing and painful. Junior High dances....teenage girl drama and boy crushes.....make-up.....sharing shoes with Mom - for Reagan? More team sports......"too cool" for his Super Hero toys and holding Mommy's hand in public.....realizing not all shirts and pants go together.....starting a garage band (literally) with his little brother......G-tube GONE!! - for Caed? Breaking his Mommy's heart the 1st day of Kindergarten.....learning to read.....being big and strong enough to finally "fight back" big brother......see a church and not cry "no nursery!!".......play in a real T-ball game......develop into as good a drummer as brother - for Caleb? Oh, the possibilities! They are like the stars.

One day, we will be loading up a moving truck yet again and this house that is now our new home will become empty. I will be sweeping and vacuuming for the last time and sure enough pondering the events that took place under this roof. And we will, yet again set out in search of another new normal.......

God, you know change has always been so hard for me. Setting the cruise control in my comfort zone is what I desire. But, thank you for continuing to stretch me. For blessing me with new and exciting adventures. I pray for this house. For the things that take place within these walls to be pleasing to You! Honestly, I am very apprehensive. I'm downright scared. What dreadful event(s) will take place while we are here? Calm my heart. Remind me of Your unfailing love for me and my family. Your Faithfulness!!! Father, I pray for a spiritual hedge of protection to surround this house. Guard Todd and I's marriage. Defend my children from the spiritual attacks they will face. Strengthen our family as we begin this new chapter in our lives. Let us love one another....encourage one another.....and ENJOY one another. I pray for LOTS of laughter to fill this house and the tears to be minimal. Thank you again for Your clarity in this move. Your hand has been SO evident. We know You have amazing things in store for us.....and we can't wait!

The circle

28 years ago, a timid, little blonde haired 10 year old girl made her way down a seemingly endless hallway in a new school of a rural Texas town. This was one of her first experiences with a major life change....and she didn't like it one bit. You see, the school she loved was in a "big city" 120 miles just north of this little town. She had lots of wonderful friends there. Ones she had grown up with the first 10 years of her life. Each day they would hop on their bikes (or Big Wheels) in search of new, exciting adventures that awaited them around the neighborhood. They went door to door selling rocks, swam so much in her backyard (her) hair turned green, and built snow forts as high as the roof. She loved her life on Dixon Street. Who wouldn't? Life Savers grew on trees there!! But, on a day that she will never forget her uncle came for "a visit." She remembers him sitting on the couch talking for hours to her mother and daddy. About what? She hadn't the first clue. It was all gibberish to her. But it was something. Something very important. In the weeks to follow, that "something" caused great bitterness in her heart towards her uncle. Her life was fine and good and right before he came! This had to be his fault. She was having to leave her home, her friends, and the life she loved all because of him! (although forgave him very quickly....and is thankful today that "his important talk" with her parents was actually all part of God's wonderful plan for her life!!)

She knew a little bit about this small town she was moving to. She had spent every Christmas and at least one week every summer there since she could remember. Several grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins lived there. It was very small. Main Street was literally the "main" street. And apparently all "important matters" of the town were discussed over coffee at the DQ every afternoon at 3 o'clock by the old timers (including her own Granddaddy). There were no stop lights, skating rinks, or movie theaters there. Only one clothing store (which her Grandmother worked at, and she loved to go play in), an old fashioned drug store, a post office, a little grocery store (not the big, fancy kinds she was used to), and of course....the only restaurant......Dairy Queen! No Pizza Inn? No Burger King or McDonalds? No Wonderland? The zoo? What about Fun Fest and Kids Inc? And spending every day in her backyard pool with her friends? There was nothing here in this little town. No matter which direction she looked, flat farmland was as far as her eyes could see. She loved coming to visit all her family there. But, to actually MOVE there, and leave the "big city"? No way!

On that cold, awful day she had to finally go to school, she was so scared. What would it be like? What if everyone stared at her? What if they did things differently here? What if no one talks to her? What if this...? What if that...? Well, she got one thing right. They did stare at her. They did whisper and point. But.....they also talked to her. And included her. And made her laugh....and before long, helped ease the pain of leaving her former school and all the friends she loved. She made NEW friends! And who would have ever thought.....stayed friends with most every single one of them....for 28 long years (and counting!!). They survived the awkward jr. high days together. Started high school together. One by one, got their driver's licenses together. Dated each other. Broke up with each other. And experienced all the ups and downs of high school together. Then, some even became college roommates. Were in each other's weddings. And were there in the waiting rooms together when they first became parents.

When the first day of 4th grade at her new school was over, she walked outside the building and saw her Granddaddy waiting for her. There was an instant calming. Her day had been filled with "news" and "firsts" and "strange faces." When their eyes met, she wanted to run. Run hard and fast. He represented security to her and she desperately needed to feel its warmth on that cold January afternoon. Like a good Granddaddy would do, he drove her straight to DQ Country. (it was 3:00 by the way) He ordered his regular black coffee, and she got an ice cream cone, sure to cure all that ails a sad 10 year old. (and it did!) The weeks turned into months and soon......the little scared blonde headed girl became more outgoing and smiled more and laughed! Oh, did she laugh. She quickly made a NEW best friend (that is still one of her BFF's to this very day!)

God knew. He knew the plans. He knew the timing. He knew all the characters that would have roles in this little's girls' "major life change." He dotted every i...and crossed every t. He had wonderful things that would await her future. You see, not only did she make the best friends ever in this new town, but she made fun memories along the way. She was saved at a GA Camp the summer following her winter move. She was in a small 2A school which allowed her naturally quiet, reserved personality to soar. (she would have been eaten alive in the 5A school she was "supposed to go to.") She quickly became a leader and excelled in school. She was involved in every activity, organization, and sport offered (highly unlikely had she stayed where she was at). She then went on to a wonderful Texas university 10 miles from her little hometown where 4 years later, she met her future husband. After graduation, she went back to that elementary school.....that endless "hallway." She taught along side her former elementary teacher and taught IN her old 5th grade classroom. The memories would flood her mind and cause her to break out in spontaneous laughter remembering the things that happened in that little room....so long ago. (as her students stared back at her in confusion)

Today, almost 28 years later when that little girl first walked that long hallway of her new school, her daughter, same age, same grade hesitantly had to walk that same exact hallway herself. They walked hand in hand as if in slow motion. The Mommy knew what her daughter was feeling. She relived the pain, the fear, the anger. For she herself had to walk the same path 28 years earlier. When they reached the room, the Mommy looked inside and quickly glanced at each face staring back at them. She laughed to herself thinking about the same strange faces she saw long ago, and how each one over time became some of her very best friends. "Forever friends" she calls them.

As the Mommy (and her husband) left the room this morning, her heart became heavy. If she could take the fear and anxiety away from her little girl on this very hard day, she would. But she knew. She knew what the future would likely hold for her daughter there in that school....in that small town. Just give it time. Give it a few days. A few weeks. And by the end of the year, she will surely be smiling just as her Mommy did for her 4th grade class picture. Big. Genuine. Loving her new life and all that God brought to her (including her most favorite pair of off-white knickers!)

When the dismissal bell rang today, the daughter stood just outside the same big green doors her Mommy did on her first day. Their eyes met over a crowded hallway. There was comfort. There was peace. And of course....some good ole' DQ Country ice cream followed! This time, the (great) Granddaddy wasn't there (but, oh, wouldn't he have LOVED to have been!). Instead, his wife, Great-Grandmother Mitchell was there.....who by the way, started Idalou Schools back in the 1930's in the...........you guessed it! 4th grade.

Ironic how life turns out sometimes. You travel long and hard...only to find the path God lay out for you wasn't straightforward....but rather one giant circle!

Caed (1st grade, age 7)..........and Reagan (4th grade, age 10)....the same as her Mommy when she moved to Idalou, and the 4th generation to attend Idalou Schools!

Our new life has begun....

...and we are ALL settled! NOT!

We are, however, official residents of the big city of Idalou! Honestly, I just feel as though we are here visiting for the holidays. (only minus the tree and stockings) It is a very surreal feeling. One that I have dreamed about and prayed for a very long time, but now, seems it's just that. A dream. Our house in Celina went on the market on Monday....and Todd and I spent an evening this week looking at all the pics on line via our realty company. I hated it. That is MY HOME!!!! Why are there pictures of every room for the whole world to see? In that instant, I so deeply wanted to go back and resume our life the way it was. (regardless of my sentimental feelings....please pray with us for that house to sell quickly!) HOWEVER....there also is a corner of my heart that is genuinely excited about our "new life!" We are still living out of our suitcases (or going back and forth to the garage to dig for whatever we need). It's NOT ideal....but it's where the Lord has us for a short time period. Physically, my body is completely 100% exhausted. Don't think I've had a good night's sleep in over a month....my neck and back ache constantly. Todd and I worked 14+ hr. days the 2 weeks before the move trying to pack and also get the house as ready as possible to put on the market. Not to mention the emotional tiredness of all the good-byes and all the "new" to get used to. (refer to previous post as a reminder of my deep dislike to change!) :) I TRY to keep reminding myself to remain positive....God has great life lessons to be learned here during this interim phase....and to TRUST!

Beginning Monday, the kids will officially be enrolled at Idalou Elementary School. They are both excited and scared. Each of them know a friend personally in their grade/class, so that will help tremendously. Todd also starts his new job on Tuesday. He already visited the store and went to eat lunch with the rest of the management team yesterday. He is also both excited and a little nervous (been 10 years). SO MANY changes ahead for each one of us, but ones we are 100% confident the Lord has brought to us.

side note and prayer request: PLEASE pray with us for the insurance change to go smoothly. There is possibly a 6-12 month waiting period for Caed with his pre-existing condition. NOT GOOD!!! I want to cry. I don't understand at all!!!! He has monthly needs that reach 1000's of dollars (without insurance). However, we know this is not a little detail God forgot about. He knows. And HE has it all under control. Once again, I think this is one of those areas where He is calling us to TRUST (when we can't see the outcome of a seemingly "hopeless" situation).

(fun story coming on Monday....stay tuned!) ;)

The end of an era

My heart hurts tonight. No, actually it down right is broken. Tonight was Todd's last Wed. night. Not just here in Celina, but as a youth minister. It's surreal. He has delivered a message every Wed. night for the last 13 years. That's nearly 700 sermons. (not to mention SS lessons back in the day when he taught that too....and of course Bible Studies on Sun. nights) I can't begin to describe what I felt listening to him for the "last time." The last game....the last song....the last word of encouragement. It was absolute torture for me. In that moment, with tears streaming down my face...I wanted to stop it all. The good-byes, the packing, the new life that awaits us. I didn't want this night to end. As the last amen was voiced.....I reluctantly looked up and saw "my girls!" There were no words that could be said...only buckets of tears shed.

Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike change? I avoid it at all costs, and when it comes knocking on my door, I generally pull the shade and pretend I'm not home. It doesn't go away. The banging just continues on and on and on, until I finally am forced to let it in and STAY! Experience, however has taught me that change is not always in the form of an evil stranger. Once I stop fighting it, I soon realize the so called "poison apple" is actually bountiful blessings in disguise.

To live this life without change is impossible. It's just the way God designed it. Sometimes it is welcomed and exciting and full of new possibilities. Other times it is dreaded and fought and difficult to surrender to. Either way, I believe God uses it to grow us. To hinder our nature that so desires complacency. When welcomed with a trusting heart, God blesses.

I know in reality tonight isn't "the end." It's still there. It's how He created Todd and I. Although our job titles will change very soon and being paid to "minister" will stop....I know beyond a shadow of a doubt we will not! Our ministry is simply experiencing a face lift. It's scary. It's exciting. It's like jumping out of an airplane. (knowing our parachute will open, of course). Our hearts are racing....adrenaline pumping....but we know after the initial step, we will be soaring and laughing and begging to do it all over again!

To our FBC students:
Just as tonight showed....words are inadequate to let you know what these past 4 years have meant to us. You guys are special, and you know that. It's what makes Celina...Celina. We wouldn't trade our time here with you all for anything!! Continue doing what you're doing. God has SUCH amazing things in store for you as a group and also individually. Press hard into HIM! We love you!!!!

BIG changes in the Hollingsworth Home

It is official. We will be stepping out of full-time ministry and heading back home within a few short weeks. This is something that Todd and I have prayed about for almost 2 years. We never jump into anything haphazardly....in fact, you've never met two more analytical people than us. However, ministry doors continued to close, but going back to Lubbock opened very quickly (and clearly). We are equally sad, excited, nervous, and relieved. Lubbock/Idalou is home to Todd and I. We were both raised on the good 'ole South Plains and our families still reside there. So many friends that we have had growing up also are there. However....we are leaving behind a wonderful, supportive church/community called Celina. We don't have the words to express how DEEPLY we love and appreciate everything you have done for us the past 4 years. You welcomed us, helped us with any need that arose, and quickly became family. During the past 2 years in dealing with Caed and his sickness....you overwhelmed us!!!!!! God knew exactly where we needed to be and what special church would step up and minister to us during the hardest time in our lives. We will NEVER forget that! To our students - you make this job worthwhile. Your passion and love for life are contagious. We have loved every minute of leading you and walking beside you through your fun-filled, exciting, stressful high school and jr. high days. We look forward to watching you grow up, move on to college and someday start your own families! (yes, it will happen much sooner than you think!) The best part of youth ministry is seeing your students all grown up and living out their faith ON THEIR OWN! We look forward with great anticipation at how the Lord is going to use each one of you in the future. We will miss you guys SO MUCH!!!!

Todd will go back to work for United (Market Street) in Nov. He has about 12 yrs. previous experience with this company and is excited to step back into management. The kids will go to school out at Idalou, and I hope to go back to teaching at the Elem level. The life that Todd and I had prior to getting into vocational ministry seems to have made a full circle. Funny how things work out that way. We are very excited.

The kids are handling the news as expected. Todd and I took Reagan and Caed out to eat Friday night, and let the cat out of the bag over a delicious (un-touched) meal at On the Border. Reagan took it really hard. She cried for about 30 minutes....but we finally got her settled down enough to talk through it all. To show her the positive things that await this life-changing move. She began to laugh and could hardly wait to call her cousin/BFF Idalou friend, Bergan. Caed just sat in silence the whole time....staring at his emotionally unstable sister. ;) Finally, he looked up at me with tears in his eyes and asked, "But can I take my drums?" But of course!!! I plan on taking the kids to Idalou this weekend. Celina is out of school on Mon. the 8th, so I will take them up that day to meet their new principal and see the building, etc.... I think that will help with the transition immensely.

Our last Sunday will be Oct. 17, and then we will officially roll out sometime the first of Nov. I am still living in somewhat of a fog, trying to remind myself that this is really happening. Even though there are many uncertainties still in the picture (selling our home, etc...), I know that God is in control. We believe wholeheartedly that He is leading us in this, so trusting Him in the details should be..... easy. (I'm working on this one.)

Lots to do. Head is spinning. Heart is aching....and rejoicing. And trying to be still long enough to sit back and see how (in His perfect timing) HE has led Todd and I to this very point. Pretty amazing ride thus far! Looking forward to how He will use us in the future......