Curious about Caed

Monday, May 18, 2009

Reagan Hollingsworth Show in the kitchen

Part 2

Friday, May 15, 2009

"Because some people haven't heard......."

.....Those were Caed's words as I looked through his little home-made book Reagan helped him make today.

I had a rare opportunity today (as most stay-home moms know). I was able to get out of the house and run some errands and get my hair cut. It was wonderful! However, when I got back, I immediately saw a new "project" that Reagan and Caed had obviously done while I was away. I sat down and asked Caed to tell me all about it.

He began with apparently the MOST important aspect of his hospital stay. ICE CREAM!! At first I was confused. "What are you talking about, Caed?.......ice cream at the hospital???" (you have to remember he ate nothing while there. We desperately tried to get him to eat popsicles....jello....crackers.....anything!) He replied with...."Yeah, remember that little room where you could get ice cream?" Oh!!! Well, of course the little kitchenette by the nurses' station. Again.....a little confused because the way he was acting......he got ice cream everyday. Here is the picture he drew of himself, "rollie-pollie" (his pole of fluids/TPN that followed him everywhere), and the (blue) ice cream.

The next page about broke my heart. I could tell immediately what it was and where Reagan had helped add in the details of his scar and G-tube. He said, "This is when I had surgery....and I cried!" Can you see the tears he drew?

Next...."This is all my family and the people who came to see me at the hospital."

Then, on the back in Reagan's handwriting it says.......

Caed got better. He went home and he was so happy. But remember to still pray for him!"

$10.45

(apparently they are selling his story for the bargain price of $10.45!!!!!!)

I asked Caed why he wrote this story and he said........."I want people to know I was in the hospital and that God made me better.......because some people haven't heard yet."

I was speechless. Not so much on the "selling his story" part, but the fact that this little 5 yr. old is aware. Fully aware! Not medically all the details of his condition. Not the pain and anguish his mommy and daddy went through. The year long separation. The physical trauma he suffered. Nor the fact that "his story" has made its way around the globe. Nope! Just the simple fact that GOD MADE HIM BETTER!!!! If Caed remembers nothing more than ice cream, a surgery, and family and friends in his room, I pray this one truth will stay hidden in his heart forever.

It is GOD who bestowed great love and mercy on him! It is GOD who remained faithful to our family. And it is GOD who continues to heal his defected body.

Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what He has done for me. (Psalm 66:16)

Sunday, May 10, 2009

A different kind of Mother's Day

Right away this morning I felt something different. A feeling I have not experienced before.

I have been blessed to have been a mom now for 9 yrs. And honestly....all those "special Sundays" in May since 2001, have been pretty typical. Kids wake up wishing me "Happy Mother's Day"......surprise me with homemade cards....hugs and kisses galore....a crystal vase full of flowers garnishing the dining room table...and off we go to church. To learn what it means to be a Godly mother. Then, of course comes the part of the day we love most.....heading out to mom's favorite restaurant to be able to enjoy a sit down catered meal. I have always loved Mother's Day, even before I "earned" the distinct privilege of being a part of one honored. I have the World's Best Mother! So, spending time on a beautiful spring day to show her how much I love and appreciate her was always lots of fun.

However, last year at this time, I honestly experienced one of the worst days of my life. Not to mention the worst Mother's Day. We had only been released from the hospital a week. We were staying with my parents and lots of family had come to spend the day. Lunch....fellowship.....games.....laughter.....what every good Mother's Day entails.

My heart was literally breaking in two. Yes, we were "home." But, that first month was absolutely awful. Physically Caed was the same. Still hurting....still throwing up.....still undergoing post traumatic stress. Only this time, there were no nurses to administer meds, etc....all day long. It was up to me. I was overwhelmed and being called to a job I had no desire doing. Not that I didn't want to take care of my child. But, not in that way. Not under those circumstances. Some of the duties I had to perform with Caed were potentially life threatening. I had been thrown into a profession as a nurse that I had no experience or background in. And my first patient was my precious son!

I also had just been reconnected with my other 2 children. For 2 1/2 months, others had become their primary care-givers. Caleb was especially difficult (then at 3 mos). Neither he nor his mommy had been consulted about the immediate separation that they both had to endure. No one asked. It just happened. Out of the clear blue....one cruel Saturday in spring. Trying to relearn this baby that was stripped from my arms was emotionally one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. No matter what I did, or didn't do......it just wasn't right. He had grown accustomed to a different way....to someone else other than his Mommy.

I can remember sitting in the bedroom last yr. while all the family "went on" in life. They played in the yard, had a shaving cream fight, and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company. I did not. I sat.....watched out the window.....with tears streaming down my face. Todd was 300 miles away working, and I so desperately needed him! What had happened these last 2 months? Why had my world, the one that was essentially trouble free, turned upside down? What had happened to my family? What was to come of my little boy?

Now...here we are only 1 short year later. And yet it seems like a lifetime ago. So much has happened. So many prayers have been answered. As I woke this morning, it was not just another Mother's Day to chalk up. All 3 of my children were soundly asleep in their warm beds and our family was together under the same roof. Something I will NEVER take for granted again!!!!

I am blessed! I have a wonderful Godly husband who loves me and takes such pride in our children. I have 3 beautiful kids who give me a reason to get out of bed every single day. Although I will be the first to say the life of a Mommy is a very hard one. (I am currently living the difficult toll it can have on your body, physically and emotionally.) But, no matter how exhausted, how unappreciated, how lonely, how selfless I am called to be......I LOVE MY LIFE! I am forever grateful for this calling God has placed on my heart.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Rain down

You heavens above, rain down righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness grow with it; I, the LORD have created it. (Isaiah 45:8)

Just as the clouds have blanketed the sun the last several weeks, my heart has also been heavy....burdened.....and just down right dreary. I am struggling greatly with some things and am continually beating myself up about it. I need answers. I need clarity. I need God to speak to me. To show me HIS desire in the matter. And yet just like these spring rains (storms) that just continue to show up day after day after day.....I feel like I too am getting no where. Drowning in confusion. LORD.....I need the "sunshine." I need to see YOU! Please cover my heart with peace. Help me to be still. To block out all the "voices" and listen in silence. I long to hear from YOU..................