Piece by piece

Today is Caed's 2 yr. short gut anniversary. I remember dreading this day last year like the plague. This morning I woke up very early to rain outside and assumed it was a perfect symbol as to how I would be feeling today. Dreary. Sad. Deep in thought. Tears.

Caed's story thus far has a happy ending, but reliving those first critical hours....days in the ICU wondering what in the world just hit us.......then the weeks which turned into months....and now YEARS....can be difficult to wrap your brain around. I in no way want to live in the past, but for me......March 1st is not another normal day. It will forever in our home be a Remembering Day. We will remember the pain, the heartache, and the utter desperation. We will not forget those days and nights in which we were at rock bottom. The day in which our world was turned upside down. I believe it's important to remember where you've been.....so you can see HOW FAR you've come. And to know He's still here......He's still carrying us......and still the same faithful God as He's always been! Nothing, absolutely NOTHING can ever change that. What tremendous hope we have!

Caed is aware of his "annibersary" today. Although to him this day simply signifies getting a giant waffle cone filled with chocolate/vanilla swirl ice cream after school. (and it's not even FRIDAY!!!) I want him to know what a special special day this is. Caleb and I went to surprise him at school during lunch. To have seen the look on his face.....it was priceless. My desire is to make this day just as special for him as his birthday (only minus the gifts and party drama...ha!) I wish we had an actual "healing day." A day in which everything was made well again. In an instant. Now, THAT would be a great Remembering Day deserving of ice cream. However, because we don't have that....we will just use the day the Lord lovingly chose our family (and particularly Caed) to carry out a very special purpose.

Today also is a big day in another way. We are now down to only 600 ml nightly!!!! Continued evidence of Caed's progress and God's hand on him. Hopefully we will have 2 more months on feedings....and then be totally OFF in May and June. We will carefully watch his labs those months in particular and if all checks out......Dr. M said we'll look at taking the G-tube out permanently at his next NE appt!!!! We are SOOOOO close......and yet I think Todd and I still struggle with watching Caed's output.....weight......energy level.....labs, etc....each time we go down on his feedings. Please pray for all to continue to go well in the weaning process. So far....so good!!!


The Lord has taught me SO many things over the course of these past 2 yrs. in particular. However, there is one that seems to always trump the others. It's His Sovereignty. Not just to know about it....to read it...or be aware of all the great debates surrounding it, but to LIVE IT! To see first hand how all the pieces in our lives fit together. Some of them are wonderful....happy, joyous occasions or memories. My wedding day and birth of Reagan, Caed, and Caleb... just to name a few. However, there are also many pieces that are horrible! Things that you wouldn't wish on even your worst enemy. We all have them. The good and the bad! And that's what makes our lives such beautiful, indescribable works of art. To see how the God of the universe takes the good, the bad, and the ugly and molds them all together to make a masterpiece that even the most talented of artists couldn't possibly create. It's down right HARD.....no...it's excruciating..... to go through those difficult times in our lives. I will never make light of them. However, if we can only learn to look at them through God's eyes. And know He is using our trials to make us stronger and ultimately to make our life portrait more exquisite!!!

There are many pieces (possibly) of our life portrait that remain "open.". Untouched. We must simply wait patiently on the Lord to continue carrying out His plans and purposes for our lives. And in the process try not to resist Him on anything (difficult) He brings our way. Remember he sees the big picture. We cannot. Let Him do His work.....and glorify Him in the process.

Each day. Each moment. Each situation that comes into our lives....is but a tiny puzzle piece of an enormous work of art. Thank you God for loving me enough to work so intricately and diligently on my life....and for cleaning up and making something beautiful out of all the ways I continually mess it up.

Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; GREAT IS YOUR FAITHFULNESS!!!!!!! (Lamentations 3:22-23)