Thurs. 7/17 - update

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then....... (Ephesians 6:12-14)

I have not shared this story yet, but knew the time would come when the Lord would strongly lay it on my heart:

I don't remember the exact time, but it couldn't have been more than a couple of weeks after we left the hospital (May). Todd was back in Celina, and I was sleeping in Caed's room. It was back during the time when Caed would awake many times through the night in pain, vomiting, etc.... This night was no different. Only one particular time when he woke up, I could tell it was serious. He was screaming (not a pain cry) but one of absolute fear. I sat on the edge of his bed (still trying to wake up) and he began pointing to the window. He was crying and saying, "NO! Don't shoot it!!! No....please don't shoot it!" Normally I would have thought he was having a bad dream or even worse...hallucinating. But, I got chills all over my body, and all I could do was RUN!! (I look back now and it breaks my heart that I left him there alone) But, at the time I immediately ran to my parents' bedroom and woke up my dad. I was scared to death. I can't fully describe my feelings b/c I don't think I've ever had ones like that before. I literally felt an "evil presence" in his room. Then....I look up and see the picture that hangs above Caed's bed. I'm sure you have seen this painting before. But for the first time....I felt like I was actually LIVING IT! If you have not ever seen this picture before and cannot fully see it, look closely out the window. A father fervently prays over his son at bedtime...while an all out battle rages outside the window. (a good angel is fighting off a bad one) That particular night, Caed eventually settled down and fell back asleep. But....I did not sleep quite as well from that point on. It was a literal reminder to me that we are fighting a war. (only one that we cannot see with our human eyes) These "spiritual forces of evil" are all around us! They are out to get our children, our families, our marriages, and our "faith." I believe the attack on Christians is incredibly strong.

I do not think that it was satan that made Caed sick. Yes, sickness entered the world through sin, but I'm also not giving him the "credit" for this whole ordeal. I believe God allows us to go through fiery trials so He can "clean us"....to get all the impurities out of us....to make us more like His Son. However, what I am seeing is how satan is sneaking his way into the picture. (he's like that, you know.....very smart, very sly in his approach.) This week has been an incredible struggle for me personally. Thoughts of fear...."what ifs"....discouragement....and anxiety are finding their way into my head. I know it is from satan! We had about 3 wonderful weeks with Caed. I was so happy!! I just couldn't get over how (almost instantly) the Lord healed him. Now, with Caed's continual weight loss.....I am not as thankful and joyous as I was. Honestly, I am scared to death!

Please specifically pray for us in this area. As most of you know I'm sure from your own life experiences, "TIME" and the "UNKNOWN"can sometimes be your worst enemies. When days turn into weeks, and weeks into months, and months into years......satan knows how tired, weary, and discouraged we can get. He's alert, like a prowling lion looking for someone (NOT ON GUARD!!) to devour!! I want to be ready....to be "self-controlled and alert" (1 Peter 5:8). Not to go around scared all the time, but AWARE all the time. Not only is he after Lori's thoughts of fear, but he's after Caed, Reagan, and Caleb....he's after Todd and I's marriage (we've basically been "separated" now for 5 months)....he's after my parents (whose lives have literally turned upside down since this happened)....he's after every tiny detail that involves this "fiery trial." (especially the ones I am not aware of!) Pray that we WILL be alert... and not give him a foothold.

.....Caed did good today. He has been SUCH a trooper with having to be hooked up 20 hours a day. As he sat on the potty in WalMart this afternoon..........he looked up at me and said, "Mommy, how much longer will I have to be sick?" I wanted to cry. I told him "Not long! God is healing your tummy and you are going to be ALL WELL very, very soon!" Please don't stop praying for this little boy. Just like in the picture, I believe our prayers are empowering all the good angels to keep winning the battle!!!

Wed. 7/16 - update

Caed did wonderful considering he has temporarily lost a lot of his freedom. He had such a good attitude. He never even said a word to me about it! Normally he gets unhooked when he wakes up in the morning, but he never questioned me when I put his pump in his backpack. He knew exactly what to do. He strapped it on and off he went.... He was off for 4 hrs. this afternoon/evening. He just got hooked back up. Hopefully this will help!!!

Tues. 7/15 - update

...for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. (Lam. 3:22-23)


Today was a "new day!" Thank you God! He still was a little sluggish and didn't want to eat hardly at all, but the pain/vomiting, etc....was gone. Our GI dr. called this morning and said he was not thrilled hearing Caed had lost 2 more lbs again this week (nor the fact that they delivered the flavored formula). Caed definitely has a malabsorption issue. (which explains why he has eaten us out of the house, and yet still losing.) Since the food/nutrients aren't being absorbed into the body properly, he still feels hungry all the time. The dr. said our next option is to increase the G-feedings. Caed will have to be "hooked up" for 20 hrs/day @ 75 cc. Not necessarily what we want to hear, but at this point....we don't have a choice. Caed can't afford to continue this weight loss. I'm just thankful we don't have to get back on TPN right now. The dr. said all his numbers are looking so good, and he hates to mess with them (TPN). Caed will have to wear a little backpack all day like he did with his TPN. I know he will not like it, but just like everything else....he'll get used to it, and it'll be fine.

Thank you for praying for him!! I was reminded yesterday that my prayer life the last 2-3 weeks wasn't what it should have been. You know how hard you pray when things seem hopeless and you're at the "end of your rope", and then as soon as things start looking up....you tend to slack off? Well, that's what I did. I hate that Caed had to go through such a rough day yesterday, but I am also thankful that the Lord used it to open my eyes. The battle is still raging......

Todd said camp was going well (minus a trip to the ER last night). One of the guys broke his ankle! Please pray for John.


Thank you Debbie for sending the kids
these stuffed animals! They LOVED
making them. Then after they finished
their animals, they enjoyed a "snowball
fight" with the leftover stuffing. Thank you
for thinking of them!!!


Caed & "Beary"


enjoying some of his toys from the
hospital


Beary & Mooey!! (boy...my children
are creative!)


Caleb enjoying his cereal and bananas!
(his favorite part of the day)

*think my camera is ok. I did what you suggested
and let it dry out for a few days!

Mon 7/14 - update

The Sovereign LORD is my strength................... (Habakkuk 3:19)

Today has been pretty rough. Especially on Caed. He was up the whole night last night. He might sleep 30 min. and then need to go to the restroom. This continued ALL night! Finally at 5am, he began complaining his tummy was hurting. I decided at that point to stop the G-feeds. Caed has been on the "unflavored" Neocate formula. However, Home Infusion called several weeks ago and asked if the "chocolate" flavor would be ok b/c they were out of the plain. Honestly I was a little hesitant at first, but thought....oh well, I'm sure it'll be fine. Well, last night we finally ran out of the plain, and I had to open a new can of the chocolate. His HH nurse thinks that might have been what made him sick all night. She said there have been a few other kids that did not tolerate the flavored formulas. When you compare the ingredients on both cans there are a couple of differences. We're just not sure. I went to Hm. Inf. today and got a couple of boxes of the unflavored, so I guess we will see tomorrow...... ????

Caed was in lots of pain today, threw up 4 times, and was overall very miserable. Today was such a reminder to us of many days passed. It's amazing how quickly you forget the bad days after you have so many good (normal) ones. Caed's eyes were also a little sunken and he complained several times that his toes were tingly and that he couldn't bend his fingers. ???? Oh Lord.....we pray that it is nothing!!!!

We went to our GI dr. to get his weekly weight. He has lost 2 more lbs. this week!!!! Not good.(he's now 32 lbs.) We did not have an actual appt. w/ the dr., just weighed and talked a little with his nurse. I'm sure we will be hearing in the next day or two when he wants to see us again. I suppose we will also get the results from the UGI then.

We also had our first appt. with the play therapist. I was a little hesitant in going today, simply b/c Caed was feeling so bad. However, after he "got sick" he lay there on the couch and fell asleep. (I know he was exhausted after his awful night). It actually gave her and I a good opportunity to talk. We spent an hour there. I told her the "whole story" and she explained what play therapy does and hopefully how it can help. I am glad we went b/c today was one of those days where Caed did not speak a lot....used his sign language....grunted....was extremely clingy...and cried a lot. It helped me to realize that even though he has made tons of progress (behaviorally), the trauma he experienced is still there. It's just easily hidden when he feels well. We will meet with her each Mon. afternoon.

My heart has been so heavy today. It was such a let-down after having so many good days/weeks lately. I was also very frustrated at his weight loss. To see the way this little boy has been eating....and yet to think he's actually losing weight instead of gaining it. Not sure if he will have to go back on TPN or if dr. will just increase G-feeds.....???? Please pray specifically for this!! We have come SO FAR....and yet today felt like we took 10 steps backward. It's also rough b/c Todd is in Colorado. We will not see him for 9 more days. Pray that tomorrow can be a new day!!!

...for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. (Lamentations 3 : 22-23)

Sun. 7/13 - update

Good day! The kids and I visited Indiana Ave. Baptist here in Lubbock. This church literally took us under their wing and ministered to us over abundantly during Caed's hospital time. There are not words that can possibly express HOW MUCH we appreciate how they supported and loved on this little family that they did not even know!!! We will never forget your outpouring!

We finally made it to the BIG 100 cc!!!!!!!! (G-tube) Caed will go to his GI dr. tomorrow to get his weekly weight check and also has his 1st appt. with the play therapist.

He did great again......ate tons......and kept it ALL down! Thank you Lord.

Sat. 7/12 - update

Caed had another teriffic day! Ate like crazy....kept it down.....diarrhea better. We spent 1/2 the day over at Todd's mom's house. The cousins were in town (Matt and Kristi are heading to CO for youth camp like Todd). The kids played and enjoyed being together.

One thing we have really noticed with Caed is his appetite. He NEVER ate like this before. He was always a very small eater. Not sure the reason fully now, but we literally are having to tell him 'no' because he would eat non-stop if we let him! Not complaining. It's definitely a praise after you have a child that you have had to "force" to even lick a popscicle!



Cousins Kambree & Cannon



This may look like a simple "bathtime picture" but it's not. Tonight was one of those milestones for Caed. Throughout the whole time in the hospital and even up until a couple of weeks ago....Caed has only been sponge bathed. He did not want in the tub, and would cry if we made him. So, every night I sat him beside the tub and would clean him with a warm, soapy washcloth. A few weeks ago, he wanted to just stand in the tub with about 2 inches of water. Again, I would just clean him good with a cloth. Tonight however.....Reagan was bathing and I looked over and Caed was sitting down in the tub too! Notice his big grin!! He held his tube up so not to get it wet, and his G-tube (which you cannot see) was also out of the water. BUT.....to this little boy he was finally getting to enjoy a simple bath. (even though it only lasted a couple of minutes) Caed used to be my "bath-boy" before all this happened. He would ask to get in the tub at all hours of the day. Hopefully soon.....he can be "free" to really enjoy them again.

**btw....about 10 minutes after Caed got out of the tub, he dropped my camera in the water!!!!
I quickly got it out and immediately grabbed the memory card. I was just sick thinking all my pictures on it were probably gone. Thank the Lord....they weren't! Now, as for my camera, that's another story.

Our hill of 2008

On New Year's Eve each year, I always think back on the previous year and the things that occurred. Then, I always wonder what the new year will bring. I remember one year at Christmas my dad talking with us about HOW BLESSED we as a family were during that year. No deaths...no major illnesses/accidents...no catastrophes, etc.. He wasn't saying that everything had been perfect, but he was wanting us to see God's abundant blessing and hand of protection on our family. Ever since then, it always makes me think, "What will this year have in store for us?" Never in my wildest dreams did I think our 2008 would look like this! However, I believe we will still be able to say come Dec. 31st...."Even though we DID experience a major trial this year, look at God's abundant blessing and hand of protection on our family!"


The land you are...to take possession of is a land of mountains and valleys that drinks rain from heaven. It is a land the LORD your God cares for; the eyes of the LORD your God are continually on it from the beginning of the year to its end. (Deuteronomy 11:11-12)


Yet the land we are to possess is a land of valleys and hills. It is not all flat or downhill. If life were always smooth and level, the boring sameness would weigh us down. We need the valleys and the hills. The hills collect the rain for hundreds of fruitful valleys. And so it is with us! It is the difficulty encountered on the hills that drives us to the throne of grace and brings the showers of blessing. Yes, it is the hills, the cold and seemingly barren hills of life that we question and complain about, that bring down the showers. How many people have perished in the wilderness valley, buried under its golden sand, who would have thrived in the hills? And how many would have been killed by the cold, destroyed or swept desolate of their fruitfulness by the wind, if not for the hills - stern, hard, rugged, and so steep to climb? God's hills are a gracious protection for His people against their foes! We cannot see what loss, sorrow, and trials are accomplishing. We need only to trust (Streams in the Desert)


I don't know what your 2008 has looked like thus far. It may be one of abundant blessing and fruitfulness. However, like ours....you may be struggling to climb your own "hill." We each have them, and if you have not experienced a steep one yet....get ready! James tells us "whenever you face trials of many kinds....." That means we ALL as Christians will face difficult times. That verse goes on to say, "...perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4) I believe there is ALWAYS a reason behind the pain! If we can just persevere through it, God promises to use that trial to strengthen us, to mature us.....and ultimately "complete us."

Thank you God for "our hill of 2008!!" We may never fully see how You used this in our lives and the lives of others....but we are so grateful to You for carrying us over it. Continue to be glorified!!!!!!!


Don't let us forget................................!