And the verdict is......

another surgery!

Caed had another appointment with our local surgeon this afternoon. It was decided that since the silver nitrate wasn't working, a surgical fix would be needed. Not certain of details because I wasn't able to be there, but Todd relayed the basic info. She will push the tissue back in and try to find the source of the little blue mystery stitch. It is infected, and she believes it's spreading to the incision area. They might be related somehow. Simple cause and effect. Dr. G will also clean up around his G-tube site (cutting/burning the granular tissue that has built up around it), as well as put in a new feeding tube.

The surgery in itself will hopefully be very quick and easy. However, as a parent.....NO surgery is "easy." Putting him up on that gurney and watching him being wheeled away, puts a knot in my stomach that I can't possibly describe. This clearly is not our first rodeo, and I guess there is a part of me that knows the drill too well. When it comes to hospitals these days, I tend to harden my heart. Put on the tough exterior. Do what has to be done. And then cry about it later.

We have much to be thankful for...

Even though our IRP doctors are 700 miles away and make it super difficult in times like these because of the distance between us......we are grateful for a surgeon here locally that loves Caed. She knows him. She initially was the one who saved his life. And she's good! She has our complete trust.

Yes, it's another surgery. But Lord willing, this will fix our current problem. It's been a long summer and fall for Caed dealing with this day in day out. No, he has not been hurting. HUGE PRAISE! However, we have to change the bandage on it at least 2 times during the day. One perk of having Nurse Mom as your teacher.

Will it ever end? I ask myself that question more than you can imagine. 3 1/2 years. That's how old Caleb is....and how long Caed has become my hero. I tend to associate "the end" with his G-tube being gone! But will it really? We have begun aggressively weaning Caed from his nightly feedings. I worry.....constantly. Is he gaining weight? Is he getting all the proper nutrition he needs to grow and thrive? Am I making poor decisions concerning his health? What if....it doesn't work and we have to reinsert the tube? How long then? What will his teenage years be like? Will he be able to do all the physical things he loves so much? And as an adult? Lord, please prepare his sweet future wife to not only love him, but also be a good, sensitive nurse! ;)

You have listened to me spill my heart out and ask these same questions over and over and over. You have also heard me answer these same questions over and again. Will I ever finally learn? Will I ever STOP questioning God and His ways? ......no. This will be an area I struggle with til the day I die (as well as MANY others). I will never attain complete faith. It will constantly be a work in progress....but hopefully one that is improving.

I am tired. Physically, emotionally, and yes, spiritually. It seems life keeps throwing us curve ball after curve ball. Rather, I guess I should just be thankful coach hasn't pulled us and we are still in the ballgame. Lord, please give us strength. Strength to keep on keeping on. And not to lose our perspective. OUR CUP RUNNETH OVER....!!!