These were the words Caed said to me last night before bedtime. He was crying as his entire body trembled with fear. I tried desperately to calm him, reassure him all was going to be ok; however, I realized at that moment, it was deeper.
Caed has had a rough several days. He has woken up many times during the night (or while napping on the couch) crying out for me. Our first response is to ask him WHERE he is hurting. Oh God! Can this really be happening again? He never responds to us. Just continues crying. A few times he looks at us with eyes that are completely glazed over. Then when questioned about it in the morning, he has zero recollection of what took place.
One of two things might be happening: Our first assumption is that his hernia is beginning to hurt. He is currently on medication for it, but the drug the IRP team wanted him on....was NOT what the insurance company agreed to (for now). If this indeed is hernia related, I know we can begin the process to get the "big gun" drug approved. However....this might be something entirely unrelated to any kind of physical pain. Caed experienced night terrors on and off after the '2008 Crisis' as well as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I in no way am comparing that to the last 2 months, but am wondering if some of his fears (from ALL that he has gone through this summer) may be the cause of the night waking. ??? I truly have NO idea. We are still on the fence.
I must admit however (even though the shingles kinda blew my 'everything's fine!' cover), Caed's words last night mirrored my own heart's cry. What if something else happens? What if the next shoe falls? I am scared.
This morning in church our pastor spoke on the sovereignty of God. There were many things I got out of the sermon, but one in particular was that.....my God is BIG, no HUGE! His thoughts, plans, and purposes are completely incomprehensible to us. But they are good. I don't know what's going to happen. To Caed. To me. To anyone. Worrying about it though accomplishes nothing. It doesn't change the outcome....only robs you of living life and ENJOYING all the blessings God has graciously given.
Thank you for praying for Caed (and our family). We have been absolutely overwhelmed at ALL the love and support shown to us once again! You have blessed us!! I guess I shared all this for you to know how to pray specifically. Either we have a painful hernia to get under control or a little boy who has some tough emotional issues to get through. Or BOTH!
You will not fear the terror of the night, nor the arrow that flies by day.....If you make the Most High your dwelling - even the LORD, who is my refuge - then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. (Psalm 91:5, 9-11)
8 comments:
Lori, my heart hurts for all of you. You and your family have certainly been through so much in the past few years. As always, I am continuing to pray for each of you. Seeking the Lord's face on your behalf is the best gift I can give to you all. It's what I know to do. As I've followed your journey with Caed and your family, you have a special place in my heart. I pray for peace, grace and God's best blessings on each of you. He truly will carry you through this part of the journey as well. Sending my love...
In His great and mighty love,
Carolyn O'Cain
PRAYING for all of you.
Sheri Crabb
One of my favorite scriptures is Phil. 4:6-7, "Be anxious for nothing, but in all things, through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Praying that you and Caed are able to lay your concerns and fears at the feet of Jesus. "For though you are weak, I am strong." Let Him be your strength as you walk through each day.
Praying for God's intervention and peace for your family. Our God is awesome and reigns with wisdom, power and love!
Lori, I'm so sorry your family and Caed are going through so much. I will pray for peace and healing for all of you. You are a true inspiration.
Love,
angela
Oh that poor boy!!!!! I can speak first had... The emotional issues these kids go through are just as hard as the medical... maybe even harder. Long after the medical issues are solved they are still suffering emotionally!!!!
Praying for you both!!!!!!!!
Hugs from NY
Colleen
Lori, I have been praying for Caed, you and your family ever since I met you and your Son on the plane from Dallas. I finally found your blog. Glad all went well with the surgery and I am so sorry for all that Caed is going through now. May our Lord give you all that you need to get you passed this. I really admire your Faith. Where would any of us be without the Lord to hang on too.
Sheila St Louis
Just read this and will be praying for you all!!
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