Birthday Blessings

What a year Caleb has had! I know he will have no memory of it (which is more than the rest of us can say), but I just can't believe what all he has been through just in the 1st year of his life. Yes, he was healthy. Yes, he was cared for. Yes, he was surrounded by so many who loved him. I am enormously grateful for those things. I do not take any of them for granted. And yet, there is a corner in my heart that is empty. Empty from lost memories of his 1st year of life. Empty knowing the bond between us was broken 2 weeks into his fragile life.

And yet I praise God! We have only been "home, together, as a family of 5" for 2 weeks, and it already feels like a lifetime. The bonds have been retied, and I know it is nothing short than the grace of God. He is Faithful to "give back what the locusts have eaten."

One year ago, today. So many memories: Heading to the hospital at 5 am for a scheduled c-section, seeing him for the first time, and watching the pride and joy that his 2 older siblings wore each time they came to visit. I TRULY cannot believe it's been a whole year! I know probably every mother in the world says that on their baby's 1st birthday, and yet I honestly don't know where it went. It came.....and was gone before I could catch my breath.

Oh, how I love my little "surprise" gift from God. Todd and I were not planning on #3. But, God knew. He knew what was in store for us in 2008. He knew we needed a little curly headed, big blue eyed, toothless grinnin' "distraction" this year. And he was. Sometimes just being with Caleb, just holding him, rocking him, playing with him.....even if for just a few minutes....somehow made me forget. Just for a moment. Forget the insurmountable pain that flooded my heart. He was God's gift to us. All children are! But, Caleb, he's different. God sent him for a specific purpose at a very specific time in our lives. I know it's not over. There are many more purposes to his life that I can't wait to see fulfilled. Only God knows. And I trust Him. He knows what we need, when we need it. Although the timing of Caleb's birth and Caed's illness were "too close for comfort" and caused me on numerous occasions to ask "why God?"............I know looking back in hindsight now there was a reason. Thank you God for loving us the way You do. (even when it doesn't make sense to us) It is truly in those times, we see YOU! Your always present hand in our lives.......

.......working all things for good......................(Romans 8:28)