The Means to an End?

We have BIG news this week! On one hand, it's quite exciting.....and the other, very frustrating. We will be headed back to Nebraska in Feb. for another surgery. Our incision issues have been going on for such a long time, and do not seem to be getting any better. They will attempt a wound revision and we will PRAY PRAY healing will take place once and for all!

Drum roll please.........while in the O.R., they will go ahead and remove his feeding tube! I don't even have the words to describe the emotion that brings. Caed has had his button for almost 1/2 his life! I honestly can't picture in my head what his tummy will be like without it. But, oh....SO GRATEFUL!

There have been similar feelings with this tube removal as I did with his central line. HATED that thing, and yet...security was attached. I guess that's how I feel with the G-tube. A couple of nights ago, I had myself a little "Mommy cry fest" while the rest of my family lay sound asleep. Don't get me wrong, we have PRAYED for this day to come. We have planned for this day, and now it's finally here. Images, awful images, flashed over and over in my head of everything Caed has been through these past 4 years. It was like a horrible movie. I knew the ending. I knew it all worked out, but reliving those darkest days and nights released buckets of tears that I didn't know I still had.



This upcoming surgery is very bitter/sweet for us. There is great joy coupled with tremendous fear. Two separate issues, yet both ultimately caused by that unforgettable spring day in Mar. Looming questions, concerns, "what if's." Grateful hearts, celebration, praise. My heart is involved in a tug-o-war battle, but I'm desperately trying to cling to His past faithfulness....knowing I can fully trust then in His future graces.

When Todd sat Caed down a few nights ago and broke the big news to him, a huge smile emerged from his worried countenance. (tends to happen when Daddy "sits you down to talk.") He wasn't thrilled with the incision (surgery) part, but....was super brave and understood. Later, Todd and I listened in on all 3 kids having a private discussion in Reagan's room.

Caed: Caleb, lift up your shirt. See your tummy? Well...that's how MINE is going to look after my surgery.

I wanted to cry. His poor abdomen/chest will have so many RR tracks and scars. I don't think he understands that fully, but our prayer will be as he grows older, those "battle scars" will be a great reminder to the All-Powerful, Healing, Compassionate Hands of God.

Caed has Short Bowel Syndrome. No surgery (other than transplant) will ever change that. This will be a condition he lives with the rest of his life. He will always have to watch what he eats. He will always need to make hydration a priority. He will very likely need supplemental injections or meds to overcome what his body lacks. Routine blood draws and x-rays will be a part of his life. Currently, he has no appendix, no gallbladder, only 10% of small intestine and roughly 1/2 of colon left, a hiatus hernia, and distorted stomach. It's amazing. HE is amazing. Yet, his outlook on life and his love for people are contagious.

Thank you LORD for getting us to this point. Thank you that though at times it seemed we were drowning in helplessness and fear, YOU were still there. Carrying us. Holding Caed ever so tightly! You never let go. And You continually showed us how 'good' was being brought out of a very painful experience. We are humbled. We fall paralyzed and mute........at the thought of Your mercy and grace on our lives these past 4 years. Don't ever let us forget....

You Give and Take Away......yet Blessed Be the Name of the LORD