My Middle Child

The joy of a mother's heart. When her child first learns to write his or her name!!! Pictures like this are to be savored.......oh the sweetness, the simplicity!




BUT WAIT!



Not when it's been written on your DRYER in a PERMANENT marker!!!!!!






My first reaction was not a pretty one. I was more than upset with my little nameless middle child. We of course went through it with Reagan.....and did with Caed (when he was about 3-4 yrs. old). But, not now! Not at 6 1/2! He KNOWS BETTER!

I can't remember the exact words I used, but he knew I meant business! And he knew what he had done was wrong. However.....that was almost 8 weeks ago. My dryer still looks like this. To be perfectly honest....I love it now! I have not sought out to find any "cleaning tricks" to get it off. It has now become a reminder to me. A reminder of my little boy. And more importantly, a reminder that he is not going to stay that way! We have had our washer and dryer for 14 yrs. I have no idea how much longer they will last. I guess they could go out next week (God forbid!), or last another 20! But, I assure you if they indeed last many many more years, you will still find the mark my middle child left behind...........

Rebound Basketball

(this is what Caed would do after he scored each time. Run back down the court with his hands up in the air.....like he had just made the WINNING SHOT!)



Today was Caed's first basketball game. His team is called the Wildcats and they did GREAT! (still working on the dribbling part.....you know, it's much easier to get down the court with the ball if you just RUN!) They actually had a double header, and I could definitely tell a difference in game #2 compared to the 1st one. I know they will continue to get better and better.

I had a woman approach me and ask a few questions about Caed's condition (name of it, etc....). We talked briefly, but she ended with "how amazing it was to see him out on the court running around like everyone else!" I agreed, of course..............but that simple comment stuck with me the remainder of the day. Several times throughout the day, I just went and put my arms around him and gave him a BIG squeeze. Not because of his game necessarily or how well he played. But, because God used another parent in the stands to remind ME....his Mommy.....that #28 really IS evidence of God's power....and of his love and mercy. It will be 2 yrs. March 1st. I can't even believe it. Seems like a lifetime ago, and yet at the same time, it all happened just yesterday. Most days, I forget. We live life and look to the future. But, sometimes it's necessary to look to the past as well. To reflect on God's goodness....His faithfulness! And then trust that God has not changed....He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. And will continue working out His plan until the day of completion!




Caed and best friend Reid during the huddle. haha (they were so cute playing together!)


either a 3 pointer.....or a pass to the player under the goal!


each player has a different colored wrist band. They are supposed to find their same color on the opposing team and stick with 'em! At one point, all 8 other players were down at one end of the court. Caed and "his man" were down on the opposite end stuck together like glue! Talk about FULL COURT PRESS!


strategy talk with Coach "Daddy"

Before the Morning

My heart is heavy. I have been in a fog all day. Today was one of those days where you feel your world is crashing down around you. And yet....just as He always does......God met with me. Personally!

I was checking my face book this afternoon.....honestly with no real interest in anything going on. All of a sudden I see one of our friends from Lubbock has posted a link to a song about his little boy (Jayken) who has had MAJOR medical issues since pre-birth. I was curious, so I clicked on it. Began listening to the story behind the song (Before the Morning), when I glanced at the clock. Oh no.....it was past time for me to go pick up the kids from school. I shut off the computer, ran out the door....with my mind back on my problems. I had been in the car for less than a minute when all of a sudden the DJ comes on the radio announcing the next song. I couldn't believe it! It was our friend's song!! The one I had just seen on line. I listened intently with tears streaming down my face. It was HIM! It was God speaking straight to ME!

I am so thankful for a God who can use a song....a message..... to touch each and every one of us, personally! We all are going through different things and experiencing various trials, but HE speaks to us individually. It's called Rhema! Thank you for this simple reminder...........

The song is called "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson. Check it out!

It's a small world.....after all

This heart-breaking picture has hung on our refrigerator for the past 6 months. Right next to pictures of our own children and family members. But until today, she finally became REAL!


We have the privilege of praying for and sponsoring a little girl from Haiti through Compassion International. Her name is Lourdia, and she will turn 13 on Caleb's birthday (2-8). Normally, when devastating news around the world occurs, our hearts naturally go out to the people of that country or in that situation. But, when you can put a face and name to a major world crisis, it brings it home a little harder. And also makes the world seem much smaller.

Please join with us in praying for Lourdia and her family. We do not know of their exact location, but seeing how small the country of Haiti is...the odds are rather high that a member of her family or someone they knew was killed in the destruction. Also continue to pray for ALL Haitians affected!!!!

Psalm 130:2

O Lord, hear my voice.
Let your ears be attentive
to my cry for mercy.

Baby G update

I have received many emails inquiring about court yesterday for Greg and Kristie. Again...I won't go into details, but simply say that Baby G will remain in their home for 2 more weeks. After that, will come another recommendation as to where he will be placed (other factors in play here). PLEASE continue to PRAY they can keep him!!!! And thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all of you who do not even know this sweet family. Greg is right! The body of Christ is an amazing thing and to see it come together for those in need is absolutely beautiful!!!

MAY YOUR WILL BE DONE!

Special prayer request

Please join us in praying for some very dear friends of ours. They have desired to begin a family of their own for so many years now. It has been a long, HARD road as any of you who have struggled with infertility can attest to! Currently they are in the process of fostering to adopt. Without going into the full story (lots of glitches in the system, sad to say).....they will be going to court tomorrow (Tues.) to fight to keep a little 7 week old baby boy in their home. They are completely exhausted emotionally and physically from this whole battle. They know GOD is in control and are trusting Him FULLY regarding the outcome.....however, it doesn't take away the pain and their love for little Baby G. They will be in court all day tomorrow. PLEASE pray for this sweet sweet couple and for the Lord to pour out His blessing and favor!!!!

Caed, Caleb, and Reagan with Greg & Kristie the summer Caed got out of hospital. My kids absolutely LOVE "Jack" and Kristie!!!!!!! (when Caed was first learning to talk, "Greg" came out as "Jack"......and we have called him that ever since) :)

We LOVE you guys!

Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills {his purpose} for me. (Psalm 57:1-2)

"Do I HAVE to go???"

Caed's words as I surprised he and Todd with tickets to tonight's Dallas Cowboy game. Can you believe it? He kept telling us if Reagan couldn't go....he didn't want to either. haha This was part of he and Todd's Christmas gift....just a little late. Not sure he truly had a grasp on how "cool" this gift really was! Maybe when he gets a little older.......

All he wanted for Christmas was football stuff, so....naturally I thought a ticket to an NFL playoff game would just top it off. haha Talked to Todd during halftime and he said Caed was doing great....and loving it! He may not fully appreciate how many people would LOVE to have taken his place, but I'm sure of one thing: he and his Daddy are making a memory!

Lord willing, there will be many more just like it...

Dangling Candy

Sometimes my analogies are stretched to the limit, but that's just how my simple little brain operates. And if God can use a tiny bag of M&M's to teach me something....then so be it!

I love candy! Always have....probably always will (much to my dentist's dismay). You can set before me all the cakes, pies, ice cream, and desserts in the world.....and 9 times out of 10, I won't touch them. But, bring out a bowl of CANDY???? Watch out! I love road trips because it's the one time I have permission (in my head) to load up on SweetTarts, Skittles, Milkduds, Hot Tamales, M&M's, Jolly Ranchers, Blow Pops.....ok....somebody please stop me!! (they keep me awake, of course.)


Have you ever wanted something SO MUCH?.....you begged.....you pleaded with God....you cried out.....and you literally could think of nothing else than this one 'thing.' And one day....out of the blue, the unthinkable happens. It actually HAPPENS!!! You are in shock. It can't be! God has finally opened "the door" and is giving you a glimpse of your deepest desire. It's SO close. You can literally feel it, smell it, taste it.....and visualize your new life with it. Oh wow!! God is amazing. He is SO GOOD!!! Just look at what He is giving me! BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!!!

....days, weeks, or even months go by. You are SO happy. Your dream is finally coming true! And then it happens. You get "the call." The call that sends those dreams straight out the window. You are in shock. It can't be! God had finally opened "the door?" Right? You sit disillusioned. WHY GOD? Why did you allow all this to happen? Why did you dangle this in front of me....taunting me the whole time? You KNOW my heart! You know how MUCH I wanted this!!!! How could you?

I have felt this way probably more times than I care to admit. Imagining God holding a big bag of my favorite candy in front of me. Dangling. Back and forth. Back and forth. He sees how much I want it. And just about the time I reach to grab it....He snatches it away laughing all the while.

I may not understand it all. I may not understand His Ways......BUT I KNOW my God is good. He is a loving, caring, gentle Father who takes joy in giving me great gifts. Just as I would never consciously taunt my own children with something they really wanted, I stand in confidence knowing my Father in heaven wouldn't either. So what is it? What is this "dangling candy?" What on earth is its purpose? That I don't know. However, I can look back in my life and see how that "closed door" was actually a blessing in disguise. You see....God used it. He had a purpose in it from the beginning. It wasn't to taunt me. But rather to show me if I thought THAT was good....just wait!. HIS PLANS are better than I could possibly imagine!

Sometimes the Lord gives.........BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!!

...but sometimes He takes away.........

BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!

BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!

BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!

The countdown continues

I told you in Dec. I would post a picture at the beginning of each month to show this number getting smaller and smaller. Our goal will be around 400-500mls. Last night as I was hooking Caed up, we talked some more about his tube being gone forever (Lord willing....) very soon! He got a weird look on his face and became very quiet.

Me: what's wrong Caed? Aren't you excited about that?

Caed: no....I don't want it to be gone

Me: Are you crazy little boy?.........when you get your tube out, then you'll be able to sleep on the TOP BUNK!....and get to wear the zip up pj's you love so much.....EVERY NIGHT!

Caed: I know...but I'm just scared. I don't want them to "pull it out." It hurts.

Me: No....Caed. This is an easy one. You know how it comes out. It'll be just fine!

Caed: But what if I have to go back in the hospital and have surgery for 2 hrs??? (dr. M said they might have to do a little surgery to sow up the stoma if it's gotten too big....however, Caed knows nothing of THAT!)

Me: Caed, you need to stop worrying. Taking your tube out is very easy. That will be a day when we celebrate! No more tubes.....no more hook ups. We can have a big party, ok?

Caed: (shrug.....and not very convincing reply) ok......if you say so.



We said our prayers, but Caed continued to remain (unusually) silent. This morning, Reagan told me she gave Caed a "pep talk" after Todd and I left the room. Oh, how I wish I could have heard it!!! There IS a countdown. A countdown to less hrs on the pump and lower mls.......no more days of mixing formula and priming the pump....no more monthly deliveries from Home Health.....and no more (dreaded) changing buttons periodically. The countdown for me is one of normalcy. "Normal" bedtime routines.....simply brush teeth, crawl under warm covers, prayers, and bedtime kisses. No more waking in the middle of the night to unhook Caed......no more waking in the morning only to find his tube has leaked and (stinky!) formula has soaked through to the mattress. No more "crusties" (as Caed calls the dried fluid that forms around his stoma)...........

I literally could continue writing example after example. My life has been centered around short gut.....hospitals....procedures/surgeries......fear......medical terminology I had never heard of.........pain!......blood draws......traveling to drs. in NE.......and being the mommy of a "sick" little boy for almost 2 years. I want normalcy more than I could ever describe, and yet I'm afraid I don't remember what that fully means anymore.

I think I'm a little like Caed on this one. I WANT IT GONE!!! And yet I'm scared..... I can recall this same feeling with that awful central line. Hated the thing, but yet it was security for me. I was fearful of life without it. I thank the LORD for His continued healing and the fact that Caed has NO need for it anymore! I know it will be the same story with his feeding tube. Just as I am reassuring Caed that "all will be fine......stop worrying!".........I know God is reminding me of the very same thing in my own life.

Thank you Lord for Caed's sweet little voice tonight saying, "Fank you God for healing me and making me better....."

YES!!! We DO thank you God! And don't take any of this for granted.

YOU ARE FAITHFUL TO THE END!!!!!

Hollingsworth Christmas

We had a great time together.....as always. Matt & Kristi opened up their home in Belton and we spent 4 days just having fun and making memories. Going to the movies, Wii Resort, Rock Band, and midnight games around the dinning room table are just a few of the things that made up our time together. Here are a few pictures of our week:


The Hollingsworth side (Katie, Scott, Todd, & Matt with families)


Grammy and her 6 grandkids - Caed (6), Claire (almost 7), Kambree (4), Caleb (almost 2), Reagan (9), & Cannon (2).....kind of a mouthful!



Caed & Claire


Reagan & Claire....with their new pink scooters


Caleb & his partner in crime....Cannon (only 4 mos. apart)


the whole gang


Reagan



Claire


Caed


Kambree


Cannon


Caleb


Rock Band


fun game of Twister