unfulfilled passion

It's amazing what one simple compliment can do.

There are many times I feel genuinely positive about something or someone, and yet never get around to actually TELLING them! Why do I allow myself to remain quiet?

For I know what one single compliment did for me.....many many years ago.

I am not certain the year, but think it was around the time Todd and I got married. (1996-ish) I was attending a bridal shower for a sweet friend and was spontaneously handed a camera at the door and asked if I would mind taking pictures that afternoon. I didn't think much of it. Click here. Click there. Captured the "normal" wedding shower shots. Several days or weeks later, the bride came up to me at church and......changed my life. She offered what I believed to be a genuine heart felt compliment regarding the photos I took of her shower. And unknowingly, she gave me a boost of confidence that the Lord knew I needed.

From that day so long ago, until now.....her words still echo in my head. It has been a driving force, and has provoked a passion in my heart for photography. For many years to follow I did not have the money to buy the camera I truly desired. Therefore, I felt trapped. The potential and deep desire were there, but yet I didn't have the means by which to carry it out the way I wanted. So, I did the next best thing. Bought books. Lots and lots of photography books. And yet, even then it was hard to learn about the features of great quality cameras and not have one to actually learn on.

Finally, last summer.....my dream came true! ha! My parents helped me to buy my very first digital SLR. A Nikon D60. I have absolutely loved every minute of it, and yet.....something is still missing......... an unfulfilled passion.

One of my worst characteristics is my low self-confidence. I have struggled with it now for 36 years. There may have been things throughout my life that I had some natural talent in, and yet I never achieved my full potential because in my head....I wasn't good enough. "Others are better, smarter, faster......" As you can guess, I struggle with this in the area of photography too. To be completely honest, I am scared to death of failure. To set myself out there...... only to be told....."you can't do it."

Maybe I am getting wiser in my "old age." Either that, or I'm just realizing time is passing me by. Whether or not the Lord has given me a talent in this area or simply put a passion for it in my heart, it doesn't matter. I deeply feel the need to finally begin chasing this "crazy dream." Despite the fact that I don't have a clue what exactly it entails.

I literally look at EVERYTHING as though my eye is a camera. (kinda a weird confession I guess). And if I could permanently attach one to my face, that would be even better. ha! I have been researching photography institutes online and local college courses. There is SO much I want to learn. I think I have found something that just might work for this stay home mom of 3. It won't be easy, and the precious family time that I covet so much......will have to be compromised some. But, little by little.....I hope to turn this secret desire into a full reality!!!

Looking forward to what the future holds.............

(and by the way Christy B., THANK YOU!!)