Good gifts.
I wish my heart would prompt me to write more often when I see them. Not specifically just this summer in regards to Caed's health. In general. Everyday. Just those small moments that we all experience throughout the course of a day. They are SO numerous, and I believe we would be stunned at just how many gifts the Lord truly gives us within a single 24 hr. day.
Life expectations take over. Not major milestones, but rather the thousands of "normal" things we do everyday. We expect to wake up every single morning. We expect food to be available at the snap of our fingers. We expect our daily work commute/responsibilities to be problem free. We expect friends, family, co-workers, even strangers to meet every need we have (and with efficiency). We expect excellence and have little tolerance for mediocrity. We expect to be entertained. We expect to not be inconvenienced in any way. We expect things to take minimal effort, while we receive the greatest benefit. We expect comfort and security. We expect to be acknowledged for all of "our greatness." We expect good health and great days. Although we would never (verbally) admit it, we expect a trouble free life.
I'll prove it! Try to mentally be aware every time you get upset during a day, from one of your expectations not being met. Then, count how many times you are keenly aware and thank God every time things go "according to plan." Our tally marks would circle the globe multiple times if we saw each daily blessing for what they really were. Gifts from God! Because they are so numerous, we have taught ourselves to not only expect them, but that we deserve them. We are so used to the "little things" (eating, walking, breathing, going to work/play), we don't see them as "gifts."
I know every one reading this has lost something/someone. A hundred times over. You understand the valley/mountaintop analogy. Life is made up of both. We will never remain high on the mountain, which tends to scare us, knowing loss is always around the corner. However, we also will not remain in the valley of despair forever. Our lives are a continual roller coaster.
The Lord has providentially led our family through a valley this summer. We believe with all our hearts that He wants to use this trial for our good and His glory. Not to harm us, but give us HOPE and a future (Jer. 29:11). By believing this, it doesn't make it any less painful. We have cried, begged, and pleaded for healing to come. It has sucked so much out of us (physically and emotionally), and there are days I feel I am gasping for breath. The past few months I have found myself back in a place I unfortunately remember and one you as well can probably relate to. You know in the movies where the scene is focused on someone in a crowded place (Times Square in NYC) and then they purposely blur all the movement surrounding them? As if to say, "here I am, surrounded by millions of people moving about, and yet I can't see or hear them. Things are continuing to spin, life is moving forward (seemingly) for everyone else, and yet I am frozen and no longer a part of it."
It's an awful place to be, yet we have all been there. Scrolling fb these days is ((HARD!)) You see everyone else's normal/happy pictures, and yet it just drives the knife a little deeper at what you have lost. Bitterness can set in quickly and oh so easily. Instead of this sounding like a scolding at all those who are posting the amazing summers you are having, ha!....let me clarify! Three months ago, it was me. I was exceeding my social media limit of postings with a daughter who was graduating high school and experiencing so many GREAT Senior memories. Our lives were not without their problems, but we were truly experiencing a high as a family, with much to celebrate. What a fool I would be to think of the hundreds of posts I have made over the years that have not caused the same sadness and bitterness in someone else crawling through their own valley. How seeing pictures of our "happy" was causing someone else incredible sadness.
So what do we do? We continue to LIVE! We continue to work and play and enjoy life's blessings. We recognize that our mountaintops may be occurring at the same time as someone else's valley. Even though it's hard seeing them in pain, we love and encourage them the best way we can, and know that soon.....the tables will turn. We will be the ones walking through the shadows, as they are dancing in the sun.
And it's ok.
Loss is required if we are ever going to truly LEARN how to appreciate all we've been given.
When you begin to see the thousands of "little" gifts the Lord gives us daily...earthy concerns (usually pettiness) fade, God receives the glory, and we gain a beautiful eternal perspective.
The problem, as I have found, is that we tend to SEE GOD so much more clearly when we are suffering. Why? Because we are hurting and our desperate. We cry out to Him and ask for our pain to be taken away. When He does, and the last cloud is lifted...where do we then turn? Inward! We instantly become "self-sufficient, " we quickly forget the pit He just delivered us from, and all of our life expectations take over again. We don't run and cling to Him like we once did...because we don't "need" Him. We've got it all under control and we imagine God yelling out to us, "Call me if you need anything else!" And that's exactly what we do. We carry on with life, rely on our own desires/"control", until the next problem comes....then we find ourselves frantically running back to God for help again. A horrible, vicious cycle.
I wish I had the magic answer to stop it. I don't. I believe our sinful nature will always cause us to turn inward. We will fight the urge of self-sufficiency and control as long as there is breath in our lungs. And we will run to God in the valleys and say "I've got this!" when on the mountaintops. As believers, it will be a daily battle we will fight for the rest of our lives.
The goal? Cling to Him EVERYDAY. Be desperate for His intervention in ALL AREAS of your life, regardless if you are on the mountain top or valley. See His fingerprints EVERYWHERE. Acknowledge that every good and perfect gift is FROM HIM. (that even includes the air you are breathing, the words He has graciously allowed you to learn to read, the sounds your ears are catching, the cool breeze or air-conditioning you are enjoying, the warm comfy bed you will sleep in tonight, the creativity of the food He has provided for you to not only fuel you, but also for your pleasure, the vibrant colors your eyes are detecting, and the hundreds of other amazing abilities God has given us with our bodies.) They are as numerous as the grains of sand on a beach. Look for them!
Our God gives GOOD GIFTS and lots of them.
