The main change we have been diligent in has been the forcing of even more hydration. I cannot thank Caed's teachers enough! Despite each of them having almost 70 students to deal with on a daily basis AND doing so under the intense pressure of the state mandated tests....they have also kept Caed's physical well-being at the front of their minds. They are my eyes during the school day and continually "remind" Caed to DRINK, DRINK, DRINK! They will never know how much I LOVE and APPRECIATE them for all they have done for my son this year.
Even though Caed's latest "issue" has seemingly disappeared, I promise you it's always in the back of my mind. I cannot erase that hour of terror so easily, and yes...I do worry if/when it happens again. Yesterday was one of those days.
Caed was graciously chosen to play on the 3rd/4th grade boys All-Star Basketball Team. He has gained more confidence in this sport this season, and it has truly become a love for him. The tournament was this weekend, and the boys ended up playing 4 games yesterday alone. Everything was fine until our lunch break. Caed told me he wasn't feeling well and did not want to eat. (ok, stop right there! Caed ALWAYS feels like eating. That was the first sign.) He did what he knows to do in times like that and headed straight for the restroom. However, nothing changed. As the boys waited for game #3 to begin, he sat on the bench pale and frail. I tried to give him something to eat (he wouldn't take it) and also kept reminding him to drink. My heart told me to tell his coach about the past hour and how Caed was feeling. But my gut said no. Caed is getting to the age in which he can and must learn for himself when to speak out about his physical needs. I believe he knows now what he can handle and push through and what he cannot. I took my usual spot standing court side to take pictures, yet I also kept my eye closely fixed on Caed. Several times before and during the game, I noticed his coach look at him and ask if he was ok. It was obvious, even to someone completely unaware of what the previous hour entailed. Caed continued to nod his head yes. My heart was bursting because I KNEW he wasn't. Finally, at one point during the game, Caed tapped his head (giving the sign to his coach he needed to come out). I almost lost it there, only because I know Caed. He doesn't want to come out of a game of any sport for any reason. The mother in me wanted to RUN to him. To help him. To ease any and all discomfort he was having. Yet I also knew this was his moment. It was a moment that odds are will happen again and again and again during his lifetime. I never took my eyes off of Caed as he sat on the bench. I had seen that look so many times before. It is a look of my son being so brave and so strong under conditions that are so very tough. To see him like that, forcing myself to keep my feet cemented right where they were and allow him to suffer alone, was torturous. Please don't misunderstand me. Caed was not in excruciating PAIN. He was simply having GI discomfort. Something he tolerates OFTEN, and something I knew I could not do anything about.
As the game continued on, I found myself watching the 10 little boys still playing their hearts out on the court. Grief began to inch its way in my heart again. Oh, how I wished my son was just like them. I literally began to picture the other boys' muscles and bones and organs. My heart silently cried out to God, "WHY? Why Caed?" And yet in the very same breath...my heart was flooded with gratitude. I began to scroll through the pictures on my camera that were shot just hours before, and tears began to fall. THANK YOU GOD! Thank you for sparing his life. Thank you Lord for healing his body in such an INCREDIBLE way in which he can jump as high as the sky...and run like the wind. There has been purpose in all the pain. You chose Caed for such a time as this. The calling on his life is no greater than that of any other little boy in that gym, yet...his calling right now in his young life is just uniquely different. Use this time God! Right now. As his weak little body suffers there on the bench, with only myself and his grandparents fully aware of what is going on....use it. Make him stronger. For I know there will be many days ahead just like this one today. Lord, make US stronger. Help Todd and I to learn when to intervene and when to let Caed deal with his condition on his own.
"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart LEAPS for JOY and I will give thanks to him in song." Psalm 28:7
